Peekaboo!!!

virginity

2011-01-05T15:56:00.002+08:00

on a cold wintry night, a beautiful flower sits in a field of grass

the cold winds blow freezing up its sweet centre, losing its most precious

morning comes and a child plucks its petals one by one in cruel amusement

leaving behind the lone stalk never to live again

sexual preference?

2008-03-21T22:02:00.002+08:00

haha ok i got tagged by eugene to do this. Choose a song which can't stop running through your mind. google it via youtube. Tag 5 of your friends to do the same. ok no idea how to do this. but i do have a song. its "sometimes when we touch" by rod stewart. the best version of it on youtube is brokeback mountain- sometimes when we touch

haha and here eug was saying abt sexual preference..ahem ok so go see it. the song is good and the video is sorta sweet. wahaha but i think many wld beg to differ. haha when he sings "drive u to ur knees" with the video playing, i think eug wld be puking away...maybe he'd hav stopped watching already? haha sorry for laughing at ur expense if u see this.

found the best website ever to play mahjong or big two. tts why im always online everyday!. ok saving up to buy some bunnies as pets. oh the website is viwawa.com go there now!! my heaven...

intoxication

2008-03-14T01:18:00.002+08:00

well its been a long while since ive read anyone's blog and its a wonder that i remembered the url of the class blog. read some of my jc friend's blogs and felt realyl sad that i hav lost touch with them. more or less everyone single one of them except aaron of course. i have no idea what is going on in their life, no idea how they look like, sound like, whats on their minds. got quite a bit of nostalgia from reading. it felt like jc was part of another life tt i had. well in some ways tt is true cuz im totally gone fr their world cuz of the course tt im doing. no complaints on my tourism course, its been fantastic so far. but well..i wonder if i will have the energy to do so. its not easy i think getting back in contact. some may say tt it is jus a phone call away but the mindset of the 2 parties might be worlds apart. so what wld tt call do? maybe i shld try. i dont know. having hols now so time is not of the essence.

sometimes sccumbing to alcohol intoxication has so much pleasant effects. i shld stop relying on it to relieve myself before i need to join AA. shit.. what has happened to me...

stupid pple

2007-08-05T00:09:00.000+08:00

ok so here i am to rant about things!i tell u, those pple in the sch can be total buttheads! i mean when u do projects u gotta do work and not just plagiarise right? gosh and we had an entire lecture on plagiarism and u are still doing it!! bloody lazy simon la. he gave me his work on day before the deadline with perfect english. how dumb does he think i am i really wonder. entire website copied and pasted. to all u out there, be wary of pple who are like tt. they r using u. so what i did was just asked him to do it again, and i didnt even bother to correct his atrocious english. serves u right. give me last minute. to all those going ot uni, pple like tt breeze thru projects and do very well in exams ,just watch out for them. as for the rest, so what if u cant find info?? so u think somehow magically i can find the info u need and do it for u?? wishful thinking. doesnt matter if i do badly in the subj, u guys will suffer in the end with tt attitude of urs.

ok gd things now. haha g0t elected vice pres in my cca (theres only one) and its smth like council. yay!! i think..for now. before the work load starts coming in.

the irony of campaigns

2007-06-03T15:18:00.000+08:00

ok so here i am blogging abt my life in the tourism academy. so far its not that bad..been having loads of projects (which i hate) but meeting lots of pple :) only 8 sg students in the entire 100 pple campus. ok so theres pple from other diplomas but they only come here for 1 semester. so let me share with u the number of projects we have. 7! can u belive it? one for every subject we;re taking! seriously! and the subject like business communicatin skills has 2!! man! sucks. we;re graded on so many things like class participation ( oh come on isnt tt a little biased depending on if the teacher likes u?) and even online quizzes where u can ask ur friends the answer!

so now on to the students. lets jus say they're a lot more than the ugly singaporean could ever be. seriously, when i compare them to the sg students from the other diploma it can really make u change ur life. i have been able to mingle with them and see how hospitable they are! and they;re not even in their own country!! so yea! u know how sentosa has this motto...10!...4!... plus more which actually means that when u see another person 10 feet away, u wave when they are 4 feet away u say hi and how r u? and more basically means u can say more things.. so friendly isnt it? but when u see a sg student(only fr the other diploma) they dont even bother! they look away or think ure mad for smiling at them! singaporean mentality? how effective was the 4 million smiles campaign? haha probably valid only when the IMF pple were here. pretty sad isnt it? im beginning to think that the gov's campaigns arent really working anymore. whats the need for them? beginning to realise that the pple u hav brought up arent really world standard? yep so bring on the foreign talent to teach us! wow sg has a lot to learn. from the kiasuness to other things tt cant be counted.

well not saying that every single sg person is like tt. but still wont we grow up to be like tt some day if we r constantly being influenced by this competitive env? ok enough abt the international studnets being immaculate.. we all hav faults dont we? so i gotta name them b4 i get my butt kicked by others. they can be very lost esp with the language and technical know how. so im constantly being asked by them abt how to do this and tt and it is VERY frustrating. sometimes i wonder why they dont listen in class or why dont they bother to ASK the teacher! man! if u dont know, ask the right person! ok so its definitely ok to ask me but to ask me every single thing the teacher said during class is absolutely NOT ok. it is understandable if u are in eg an engineering course were u might be a little shy to ask but come on, ure in the tourism business u gotta open ur mouth to ask. well enough said

would like to talk abt my new found craft! and that;s automata! seriously i bet u dont hav a clue as to what that is. its just mechanical toys that uses pulleys and gears and cranking actions to move something. so it is a kind of art really. u can use paper, wood, rope to make it. and i think dennis, u might like this haha thats if u r actually reading my posts haha. its really interesting! So moved from polyhedras to paper quilling to loads of things to this! But doubt i would dwell much on this craft as it looks pretty tough. To all u pple out there u should really try paper quilling, haha made some money from that! Call me if u want some flowers for decoration of a card!

darn blogger

2007-05-01T18:17:00.000+08:00

ok so i did type a post recently but apparently blooger signed me out and i now hav to retype everything i said. man... so tired haha so too bad not gonna type anything much to amuse you. been feeling really fat lately and i have yet to get down to exercise haha get down, exercise? doesnt seem to fit. well got a new tv (supposedly getting a 42 inch plasma tv but what we got was a 14 inch tv). talk abt con. haha the con of man, doesnt tt sound familiar? no la the pple jus couldnt get their act tog so we hav to wait somemore to get tt tv. yay! no more fat tv! whats the reason for this luxury? my other tv broke down and cried...i mean blew(its nose) . haha 10 yrs what do u expect? no electrical appliance works for more than 10 yrs nowadays. why? the whole lure of earning more money when u buy more things to replace the emptiness when its gone. makes technology sort of go back isnt it? or maybe the fact tt things r much more fragile and complicated so much so tt they break easily. whatever. been getting lots of new things in the hse lately. like the new fan (35W) are u kidding me?? im still sweating when the fan is fixed on me. its almost like getting a friend to blow wind on me. i said blow, not pass wind.
i must say life has gotten a little more mundane since aaron went to prison for his misdeeds. sad isnt it? how some pple are forced to endure pain and hardship when they dont wish to? for all u know this whole ns thing might even cause pple to rebel against sg and run to the arms of the enemy. and dont u think tt when war comes pple will instinctively know what to do? like fight for their country and stuff? haha with all the "wide smiles" going around lately its no wonder if singaporeans will gladly surrender to the enemy. haha well no one will know what im talking abt haha.
been reading lots of roald dahld lately. some pple think its kiddish but honestly he dos hav some stories tt arent really meant for children cuz it has some tough stuff. meaning non innocent things. well, tts him i guess. always enjoyed his stories when i was young. as for c.s. lewis(author of chronicles of narnia) u might wanna read his "screwtape letters" pretty hard to understand sometimes. its abt a devil;s minion and his nephew trying to persuade a human to sin. and if u wanna improve ur eng i strongly recommend jane eyre. its really a gd book. not really a bk tt u might be so drawn into at first but its gd to read cuz of the delightful eng.i must say my eng has improved ever since i read tt book. im gonna be reading rich dad poor dad next followed by petals in the wind, which is a continuation of flowers in the attic, a intriguing bk tt borders on gross topics which i wont mention but altogether interesting. well once sch starts to get busy wont hav time any more. kinda sad. :( well tourism academy here i come.

oliver james is so HOT!

2007-03-17T21:46:00.000+08:00

ok jus watched what a girl wants and i think oliver james so darn HOT!! his eyes his hair ahhhhh!!!
i wanna kiss him!! oops better not say too much. aahhran is coming back fr france. hee! but he's been french kissing all thos gals so i get to do it too dont ya think? :P

It was a hot summer's day yet i was cooled by the air conditioning in the sbs bus. I was a long way away from home sitting atop the double decker. She walked up the stairs and the minute she sat down, a thoughtful look crossed her face. She opened her wallet quickly to take out an old toto ticket and started writing furiously. I was intrigued. What was so important tt she had to jot it down with so much passion and vigour? I was memorised with the look upon her face, so childlike and happy, something i had not seen for quite a while. Without thinking, i slid into the seat next to her and asked if i may see what she was penning down. She pursed her lips and finally let me see and this is what she wrote.

A Leaf's story

I took delight in watching the leaves fluttering from the trees
Enjoying the freedom and being the happiest they could be
Loving the spotlight from the sun
Relishing the breeze and having fun.

The scattered leaves soon lay down to rest on the grass for as far as a mile
But along comes a worker to blow them into a pile
Awakening them from their peaceful lull

To jump for joy was their mission
To gravity they would never listen
Ever so slowly they gather together
A few mischievous ones runnung away thinking it wouldnt matter

When they are finally in a leafy pile
Behind the tress creeps a cheeky child
To play and dance in the leafy mound
And throw up the leaves till they're far from the ground.

poly lolly

2007-03-09T22:19:00.000+08:00

ok i really dont know where to go poly or uni? i didnt do tt badly but i doubt i can get into the course tt i want. whihc is business. so how? so anyway went for the interview under tourism academy at sentosa. sounds fun huh? but the travelling there everyday is gonna kill me! so yea. well interview went fine but i wonder if i can get into this course. haha my reasoni stated for wanting this course in the interview is pretty lame. so this course requires me to hav gone thru jc which is pretty gd i guess. more international students than sg ones so i guess tt has its gd and bad. if i do get into this course then i dont hav to crack my brain as to where to go jus gonna leave it to god to plan my future for me. well if i do get this maybe after 2 yrs i can still go to uni the same time as my little big baby. haha and then i can cut my uni course to up to half its course. so well. it all depends if i get this.

yay leaving sticky rice soon oh gdbye u stupid slave drivers. woe to thee who hath caused me so much pain.lol u better give me back all my pay or i'll sue u.

missing my baby who has gone to france to get french kissed. u better not improve in ur kissing skills or i'll KILL u! :D hee hee

Freedom's laws

2007-02-22T22:50:00.000+08:00

Like a child set on running away
In this house he could no longer stay
With rules and regulations he couldn't obey
And his thoughts no one could ever sway

Looking out the window, he cast a sigh
To his mum he could never say bye
The pain would as if he was about to die
But to stay here would jus be a lie

His future I'm sorry to say I'd leave give no clues
For it is up to you to pick and choose
For it was a mum's warmth and comfort to lose
For a life of freedom and booze.

the new and updated me

2007-02-17T15:14:00.000+08:00

haha finally decided to post smth lol been meaning to for quite a while but havent got around to it. well got all these funny things like i gotta update and all tt so finally went to get myself a new gmail account.
been working at sticky rice in serangoon gardens. chomp chomp area.anyone up for thai food tell me i can get u a 10% discount if i see u there and if i acknowledge u ( tt is depending on my mood :P) as my companion who deserves tt discount. lol ok la jus come. the set lunches r more worth at abt 10 dollars per set. if u wish to savour the ala carte menu, do remember to bring along with u ur credit cards. Ere u were wondering what cards they give discounts, they r UOB, standard chartered and ocbc platinum and titanium. so do come while i still grace the restaurant with my excellent services. by leaving i will inform them of their little pittance that they are currently offering me of 5 dollars per hr. it is alright if they do not treat me as their slave even though they themselves are pretty much slaves to the public. so that is why i have decided to leave. i was wrong to think that in this meritocratic and fair working world of singapore i could expect fair pay and be treated fairly. i have stood outside the restaurant and served pple for 4 hrs at length and yet it is possible tt i receive lesser pay than others who hav stayed there longer than me as super part timers. im not entirely sure abt this but i overheard one of them asking for their 42 dollar pay. that will not be possible if he is paid 5 per hr. unless he collected part of his pay already than i would admit that im wrong. but for now im afraid i cant provide them with the benefit of the doubt.
next for the no of hrs they pay me it is so not worth my time. i work till every single customer leaves and also help bring in the catering trays after that. yet i am paid only till the last order. there is a difference in that of at least an hr or more. not only tt i was paid one shift less tt means 4 hrs of work gone. aka 20 dollars! i also wonder what happens to the generous tips bestowed upon us by the gracious customers. i bet its pocketed by the obnoxious head waiter or the calculative boss. sad to say i was also paid 8 days late! now what incentives are there really to work in this restaurant?
well tt would be the meals tt are provided, and the help that i receive from this assisstant thai chef that took a liking towards me. unfortunately he cant speak english so we can only communicate in chinese, and thai is out of the question for me. that is that. i do feel a sense of guilt for leaving the restaurant as i understand what it is like to hav a crush on someone and be able to see him everyday when u undergo tedious and difficult tasks. somehow it relieves one of the monotonous rhythmn of everyday life. however i do not feel guilty towards my darling's, meaning, aaron's feelings for me as i am still entirely true to him. if u still wish to patronise this restaurant, do so by all means im nto stopping u. jus be wary of the consequences of working there.
well i shall go back to working for myself cuz tt is the best way in my opinion. if u have any friends or family who own a scrapbooking shop or wish to purchase items tt can be placed on greeting cards or used in any way to decorate things, do tell them to give me a call. i specialise in paper quilling :) for a free sample, feel free to call me too. thanks!

Irony of getting a job

2007-01-11T18:31:00.000+08:00

i finally got a real job!!! ..according to my parents, i guess tts gd but didnt get to do what i originally planned to do.tts not because i couldnt do it but cuz of one's idealistic view on this world of what a true job is. oh well, sucks i guess. i got a job and now im more free...ironic huh but true. mum didnt ask me (i mean blackmail me) to cook dinner again. so here i am typing away :D not sure abt this new job's working hrs. might be 11-7 which is gd cuz no dinner at home. haha hopefully i can get tt fast food lovers survey where i get to eat and comment on fast food. mm yum yum.. the funny thing is i dont believe in what the company is selling haha well, marketing is basically abt lying. no wonder gd marketeers are gd liars. still dont know much abt this job..will find out tmr..for now i;ll jus be glad abt my pay tt might be coming. sometimes i wonder abt the reason, perhaps some may say obsession, to get a job. what for? the money? well maybe the world is filled with such pple. i really dont get it..for the experiance? to look like one is not bumming around? how can u say its bumming when someone really wants to take a break and do what interests him or her be it drawing, dancing, making music? is tt so wrong?what if the interests leads to money? conclusion: many pple in this world are driven towards obtaining money or are delighted tt others indulge their time "wisely" by bringing in money not caring abt their happiness.

it;s the hardest thing i'll ever have to do...

2007-01-07T21:00:00.000+08:00

had a lychee martini today yay!! somehow alcohol does take away some sorrow even though its little. jus the thought of it..mmm... wasnt at gd as the one at scotts lounge. there wasnt the legs, warm sensation in my throat or the nice sweet smell of the lychee..mm.. :D was so tempted to try the blue martini with the maraschino cherry..haha next time. man theres a pain in my head, think i ate too much of tt thick creamy cheese sauce..errgghhh..definitely not the alcohol haha

a simple word tt starts with a "s"
easy to say even for an ass
harder to mean after tt load of crass
difficult for a kid to blurt out even at his best

If the word never comes
the one is probably a badly brought up bum
If the word comes as a squeak
accept it, humble and meek

At last if the word comes extremely late
after much prodding and crying on the bed
it might as well hav never been said
even if it's to the dead

the invisible man

2007-01-07T15:55:00.000+08:00

i found the invisible man but i dont love him
loving him i made it seem
he's standing right in front of me
pouring his heart out for me
yet in a blink of an eye
i sighed a sigh
flicked him away
showing him a darker day.

haha bet ure wondering what the hell is an invisible man...lol go research it urself! be resourceful, be dynamic and independent! tts all i can say lol see ya bloggie

a glorious year..perhaps

2007-01-07T14:38:00.000+08:00

a new year but an old me haha pretty sad huh...well a lot has changed around me tts for sure but whether i hav changed is another thing. i cant believe ive graduated already. time really flies. so far what hav i done with my hols? let's see..cleared up maybe 1/10 of my room. oops maybe lesser than tt..shopped, ate, went out a lot..and read eragon(darn thick and heavy book) , watch fellowship of the ring, read bonesetters daughter(i feel ruth's a lot like me), played lots of sudoku games ( with loads of cheating lol i mean little bit)
what im intending to do next? well make sure my job works. haha cant wait!! haha my job's still a secret! oops aaron and shing knows...shh...next get my room cleared and tts abt it.
i cant help but miss my bro.
away in michigan, no keeper for him, the little boy pickpocketed unknowingly, the stars in the sky looked where he got preyed, the pickpocketers ran away happily! haha sing to away in the manger. oh dear hope this isnt blaspheming. well i must say he's quite a sweet guy now though i used to fight with him almost everyday in pri sch. sadly i lost when it came to physical fights...unless! i ran to my mummy haha those were the days. cant wait to see what he got me!
oh yea i also gotta lose weight...lots of it. if u must know i put on abt 8kg since the start of 2006. tts a lot!! gonna hav a hard time losing it. man.. to think my prev wt was too heavy..oh wells..exercise here i come..anyway...let's see abt tt yea babe? its the 7th today..testing testing...100,200, 300 days

God's gift (free will)

2006-12-23T23:35:00.000+08:00

I watched as she stood by the open window
Silent and staring at the night but not really looking
Letting the wind sweep past her face and body
Sending a chill through her spine
She stood slowly taking in air
Then stopped breathing for a while till she noticed that it hurt
Thoughts of death seemed to please her for the moment
As the wind whipped past her just like how it would be if she fell
She closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment she would be free
Free from this painful world which had hurt her once again.

Pen knife held tightly in her hand like a python ready to strike
Thoughts of the pain and blood flooded her mind but nothing would hurt like "it"
"I'm too young for this" she thought
"Stupid stupid stupid!" she scolded herself repeatedly
Then she turned her eyes to me and pleaded for a hurried end

I longed to take her in my arms and hold her and tell her everything would be alright
To give her the love and comfort she needed
To kill the monster that had built up in her over time that ate her away unknowingly
But it was her choice
To come to me or to seek my fallen friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every now and then
We find a special friend
who never lets us down...

Who understands it all
reaches out each time we fall
you're the best friend i have found...

I know you can't stay
a part of you will never ever go away
your heart will stay.....

I'll make a wish for you,
and hope it will come true,
if life will just be kind,
to such a gentle mind,
if you lose your way,
think back on yesturday
remember me this way,
remember me this way.
you're right...just kill me la

2006-11-29T23:54:00.000+08:00

i really dont care anymore. shouldnt have in the first place.

perm perm

2006-11-23T01:40:00.000+08:00

finally permed my hair..haha cant say its tt great but well i gotta live with it. hope no one catches me till it turns out better..have been enjoying the hols somewhat...finally told my mum i was dating..but it sucks cuz im still lying..really wish i could tell the whole world abt u but now's not the time..but im getting there :) cant wait for them to meet.are u ready?
rushed to the lib today 5 mins before it closed and managed to find a bk. the librarian underestimated my detective powers and felt i shld leave and not get the bk i needed to borrow for my mum. searched for it at first then decided to use the comp of which she was of no help as the mouse was spoilt so used another comp. got the code and ran to the 2nd floor to find the specific section. got the bk ran down and borrowed it...haha all under 5 mins! wohoo..made my mum happy but an hr had passed cuz of tt.
heehee u wore the same shirt as me today u copycat!! 15-20% i'll always remember tt! wont let u get away with it muahaha! gtg bye bye..been a since i updated see ya

Acts of lunacy

2006-10-30T14:08:00.000+08:00

After a long day's work, i enter a steaming hot bath ready to unwind. I slide under the hot water and let unconsciousness take the lead.
~
Stepping out of the bath i walk towards the frosty mirror. Wiping away the condensed water and listening to the squeaking of my mirror, I let out a giggle which slowly but surely turns into hysterical laughs.And i stop.
Retreating back to the bath tub, i take the hose and shower myself with cold icy water, ready to wake up to society once more.

It all started that day, when i realised i was being ruined. At tt moment i couldnt quite figure out what was ruining me. Flashbacks to what my friend said abt me being unable to ruin what was ruining me. And tt is true becuase the one ruining me was me and if i ruin myself i would be ruined and if i dont ruin myself i'll eventually be ruined.

~ bitchin'~ a disease tt will never leave u

poems day!

2006-10-11T18:12:00.000+08:00

Our Saviour
We live in a world of downcast eyes
Etched frowns and ever repeated sighs
Cut throat businesses filled with deceit
Even a child's innocence may mislead

Ever so often God looks upon
With trembling lips and eyes forlorn
Knowing the task laid out at hand
The only way to change the heart of man

Then comes a stranger to change the world
Fills it with laughter and colours mixed in a swirl
Plucks dreams like apples in the trees
Loving the world and healing the diseased.

Such is the compassion of our Lord
Melting the ice with his loving sword
Ever forgiving, never try to be grand
Always by your side till the very end
~~~~~~~~~~
wrote 2 poems with opposite feelings....

As short as it takes to truly breathe
As far as the mind can make believe
walk with me through the path of laughter
as one can feel happiness and joy
Say those words with a carefree heart
Words that pluck my heartstrings chore by chore
Like the sweet sounds of music neverending to my ears.
~
Trapped in a world of disappointment
when others fail to please
Lost at a crowded place with no one to help
A fleeting glance, a hint of a smile, a hesitant promise
made to make one lesser bereaved
None but one sees the light at the end
A hopeful tomorrow or a disappointing end?

well, dont think anyone cant really understand what im really trying to say. note the spelling, theres no mistakes.

the sixth sense

2006-10-06T21:08:00.000+08:00

got a song stuck on replay...craig david im sorry i dont love u no more...love it!! haha must be the catchy tune yet the song is so sad. my comp is back! yay!! but the first time it started up, it was sooo darn slow la every command took ages to be carried out. even shutting it down took ages. then the next round the internet didnt work. then now its working...for now. wonder if the repair man did smth bad to it so tt it'll be sent for repair again.
sometimes i wonder if i am expecting too much, whether what i wish for is reasonable. whether what i expect is well,.. over the top. maybe ive just watched too much tv and made my judgement be warped and be influenced by the media. i dont know. guess these things will be learnt in time. but will this time be soon? how do u know what is right or wrong? isnt a lot of things influenced by media? like giving birth to how many children? could it be tt media actually made us think we shld hav 2.4 children? tts why most pple want abt 2-3 children?
sometimes i wonder what love really is. to me, true love doesnt play with ur heart, it doesnt pull at ur heart strings to make u do smth tt u totally object to. and love shldnt hurt when its not supposed to. perhaps to me this love can only be found from God and within ur family, maybe tts when the commitment is there and u r joined by creation or blood and nth shld ever pull u apart. yet with love comes sacrifices like giving tt piece tender chicken to ur loved one...which i dont think ive been making..and tt shldnt hurt but shld make u happy because u did it because u knew tt person wld enjoy it. mybe ive been doing this all wrong. maybe this insecurity and lack of love comes from the commitment which cld break any time and cannot be called a commitment. then again how can one say tt he knows what love really is? what makes u think love isnt jus a state of mind? how can u weigh the untangible?
anyway played "guess who" today. super fun la. :) played with daner(my partner) and mel and yongwen(opposition!!) though daner and i lost quite a few times since we started first quite a lot haha i realised there may actually be such a thing as women's intuition. haha cuz we managed to guess the person even though there were abt 5-7 pple left to choose from. dont know how we managed to do it. but the few times we guessed the right one was quite freaky. and u guys must be thinking, what?? she said gals only..but the next piece of evidence is when simone(partner) played against smelly medicine and ervin.. we too managed to pon them! guessed the specific person from abt 4-5 pple again!! u just get a feeling tt its tt person and it stands out from the rest...maybe the sixth sense really does exist in this world! so cool la.well im not saying guys definitely dont have such "powers" but maybe theres jus more in gals wahaha
honestly ive always been fascinated by sixth sense and telekinetism (if theres such a word) and psychics but i know i shldnt because it might be a little contradicting to my faith just as tarot cards and ouija boards ( not too sure abt tt though) but some might see it as the gift of prophecy. k haha i actually wrote more stuff below but decided to delete it due to obvious reasons ( cant tell everyone) :D shh...
went to swim today cuz im feeling really FAT! sigh i have put on abt 5kg since the start of this yr and it is a lot! i guess after quitting ballet, i felt i could grow fatter and need not maintain my wt and i was soo wrong now no more ballet, pe....sigh how m i gonna lose wt? yep exercise...but with the a;s coming i doubt i hav time for tt. sadly, my friends havent replied my sms/ answered my calls. wonder if we r going out tmr. and i was looking forward to it!!
somehow the word "soon" seems like a long time..seems like its never gonna come, seems so far away. how u make me wait for everything when u urself cant, amazes me. patience jan..sigh
anyway jus gonna leave all u eager beaver fans out there who read every single word, (thank you!!) with this, "happiness is not given by others, it is smth u find within" and tt is smth i hav known long ago. notice i said known..but knowing and carrying it out r 2 diff things. im on my way there :) what a long "esss-say" as kk dren says

rain outside my window pouring down

2006-09-30T00:44:00.000+08:00

like a small child tugging on his mum's skirt
like that fan lost in the crowd of cheers
like the moon's light in the pouring rain
just like one's sorrow buried in one's heart

when blood flowing doesnt hurt as much
when falling off a building seems like fun
when darkness seems to cloud your world
that's when happiness exists no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

gonna buy toto tmr oh yea :) haha hmm if i win i'll buy tt croqchet(cant spell) thingy tt has been stiffened ahh so pretty! just like Bree

and the heavens opened...

2006-09-15T22:55:00.000+08:00

haha anyone think this is a good pic? i took it myself on a rainy day...can u see the centre of the pic where there's light? :) cool eh!

the everlasting wait

2006-09-09T11:34:00.000+08:00

i seriously cant wait for the a;s to be over...so tired of studying..and i cant wait to get back to my art stuff and i cant wait to try making those polyhedron templates tt i printed out. but for now i just gotta bear with it like i always have and get it over and done with. why do we slog so much to do well? tts if we even do well. haiya so tired of everything tts been happening. well i really hope i can go to spotlight today to buy my zip and other things i have been wanting to buy. tata!
the distance grows further without your realisation

how i spent my bday

2006-09-06T23:22:00.001+08:00

sometimes plans just fall apart when something more impt crops up, but who is it impt to? the person with tt impt thing? yes... and what happens to the other party? left to content himself with sorrow that such a thing could upset what was so impt to him. perhaps the event raised was just a passing thought but to the other it could have meant a wonderful time spent that couldnt ever be missed. a falling tear, a disappointed mind, a broken heart, a sad soul. mended easily with another delightful happening and if only if it happens. if not one sinks into depression, only to despair and resort to other lonesome activities meant to make up for what did not happen.

lets see what did i do on my bday...woke up bright and early, well maybe just bright, at 10. went to eat breakfast and play with munchkin. went to pick my bro up from the bus stop and came back to play with munchkin. haha managed to let her stand and crawl on my hand!! :D i wonder if its because im too afraid to hold her cuz she'll bite or is it cuz she just doesnt like to be held. so anyway, ate lunch..studied a bit of chem.slept in the afternoon. woke up did more work and went to use the comp to watch bleach episode 73! no wuyuan u cannot catch up with me!! nooo!! study, do ur work man! haha then went to swim. swam 18 laps wahaha was thinking of the no of laps to swim and i thought what the heck lets do 18, back and forth. phoo... tt was tiring esp since ive not swam that much in a long while. so came back ate dinnner and now here i m typing.. pretty sad day i think. its the first bday where i spent a large part of it studying all thanks to someone... didnt have the heart to do anything else after u pangseh-ed me. maybe i should have just gone shopping at art friend by myself! :) nah i would hav been broke after tt. feeling so disappointed now..

well thanks darling for getting me that guess wallet and sweets and dinner. :) really appreciate it. now big problem is what to get you on ur bday..hope u had a great day.
it sometimes disgusts me how the world can be so materialistic. its all abt what u wear, own, know abt the material world.come on man there are so many millions of pple dying each day because of lack of food/water/shelter... and here u are bothering abt how much ur new hp cost or what clothes and stuff u own. terrible. and of these pple who own such things, do u ever give some to charities? or do u just hoarde the money all to urself and when u have more, spend it on more expensive designer goods? disgusting! im not trying to say that im all holier than thou cuz i m one of these pple in certain areas of materialism, but just saying, spare a thought for all the hungry pple out there. sometimes they need it more than u do. sure the world is abt survival of the fittest, but can u bear to watch others die jus becuz u werent willing to help them? cuz i sure cant live with tt on my conscience.
well id better get back to my work. life in jc sucks, but the friends made are great! :) thank u one and all who made my life in jc more bearable.
with the exception of a person named aaron

munchkin!

2006-09-02T22:27:00.000+08:00

well what can i say..im just tired of trying, trying to make u happy or even smile and return to ur old lifestyle. u may say ive not tried enough or what i did was unforgiveable, and if tts the case then i cant stop u from being this way.

to my darling sweetie pie, thanks for sticking by me all the time. though we may fight a lot, we still stick tog in the end. just try not to scare me and scold me too much. :) love ya babe. heres smth to come to my blog ahem ahem! no more ***** k or i'll go find someone :D_-_-_-_-_

i got a hamster! yay!! thank you thank u...u know who u are! simply love it!! ahh i cant stop staring at it. its pretty funny. not really nocturnal cuz its slepping right now! 1100! hmm but it wakes up early to run around and play on the wheel. so naughty.. trying to wake me up. decided to name it munchkin cuz it keeps munching away. munch munch munch...must say this is one birthday i'll never forget.. and the previous yr was pretty unforgettable too i must say. well im lazy to type anymore haha so i'll leave ya. go see the pics on the class blog.

prayer to be merciful to others

2006-07-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the sufferings of my neighbor. I will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I know, will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord, rest upon me.

ok this prayer is extracted from prayer to be merciful to others.. came across this prayer today while praying in an adoration room with aahhran..somehow its so true now..really struck me..perhaps theres a bit of bitterness to try and do what it says but if i achieve it it;ll be great...the prayer is somewhat similar to the previous post except without the bitterness to it. really such a beautiful prayer..hmm typing abt prayer, i was humming "the prayer" the whole day in my head la haha and still gg at it.
walked in the rain today and jus felt like crying my eyes out while the rain washes them away..but sometimes i hold myself back...sort of like bree in desperate housewives. shes so gracious and strong yet sometimes pple still break down.
had a long walk home today cuz i fell asleep on the bus and woke up abt 4 stops away..so yea decided to walk and clear my head..was thinking abt so many things along the way.. somehow i cant help but feel alone in this world... sure theres pple arnd u to help but in the end its always u alone who can make decisions and stuff..and i cant deny abt certain things...always thought or rather made myself think everything is great in my life but i guess not.
sometimes i can be so morbid as to think how it would be like to end my life right now by jumping off a building or walking on the road when cars pass by.. dont worry im not abt to kill myself..its jus a thought jus like how it would be like to skydive or bungee jump.
sometimes i cant help but think why is this still going on..it can be so tiring esp the part which has associations with the prayer above. admit it we both get angry over small lil things..yet again sometimes small lil things can build up to big big things or trigger smth even bigger. to be honest ure a bit like a field full of bombs/mines...gotta be careful where u tread or u'll explode..over and over again..
its not always abt hearing what pple say..its abt listening and knowing how they really feel even if no words are spoken...

retreating away

2006-07-23T21:25:00.000+08:00

alrighty...what shall i say..came back from retreat today..well it wasnt tt fantastic..didnt like it when we had to sit on the floor and to be honest i didnt quite like the part where we had to reflect and keep writing down stuff..waste paper..haha i mean if u know it in ur heart why must u write it down? lazy la..lol went to makan with mels eug jea fran..well mostly jus ahhrran so kinda felt bad abt it.. sigh sometimes its so hard when u dont try u know..i may encourage u over and over again but what if i get tired? theres a limit too u know. for now im not giving up but getting really tired..
i dont know whether i should try anymore with u...its getting kinda tiring to see u like this.. and i cant do anything anyway.. wish u;d change..not sure if ure putting up a front now..if u r, theres really no pt..if ure sad, u gotta move on..everybody experiences the same shit..its jus whether u pick urself up again...in a way putting up a front helps but it wont last forever u still gotta move on from whatever it is tts upsetting u.
anyway i thought today was good..gotta watch corpse bride..and sleep haha and mumble nonsense when i was sleeping and u watched xmen2 ooo i gotta play with snake 3 too! but had to stop when u chased me home. haha its really fun being with ya but i guess i didnt really see tt inner sadness u had and im sorry.. i will pray for u and hope tt u'll be alright..
lately i cant help but think tt im suppressing a lot of things...like when u wanna kill and argue with someone abt smth but u know tt if u do it it would be bad so what u do is quickly or slowly stab this black figure..jus keep stabbing it till it slowly bleeds and dies away then u hav to forget abt it and move on and be happy. for now its working but each time this black figure grows bigger when its formed..wonder when will be the day when i can no longer overpower this figure and this thing overpowers me..
maybe a part of me really dies each time...
sometimes im jus so tired of fighting and arguing tt i rather jus give in..and take whatever shit tt comes my way.its better this way i guess. even if u tell me to say it, i know it;ll be stupid to do so cuz u'll disagree with what im disagreeing with and the cycle continues. finally realised its better to shut my mouth and bear with it.
sometimes holding back/walking away really makes u a better person

emo days

2006-07-14T21:20:00.000+08:00

well today was one really emo day...guess this is really the worst pms day i ever had. really cant believe i cried so hard,i couldnt control it.. its been such a long time since i cried like tt and it did feel good. yet crying never solves any problem so ive learnt long ago. sometimes i think crying makes one weak esp when u do it in front of everyone...well,it was an emo day to start with and to be honest ive been stressed these few weeks. today was jus the last straw, jus couldnt take anymore of all tt..its ok now...well for now..these things never go away completely
another thing, i keep losing hair! when i comb my hair i can lose abt 10 strands..or when i sit to eat i find i dropped 5 strands..even now im finding hair falling on my arm..and no im not exaggerating cuz i really counted.either the stress or smth ive been eating.. results are out,ptm is coming, not sure if i can go out so much anymore except to study..seriously what lies i tell..and it sucks..never have i lied so much before till this yr..especially since im catholic..i feel sooo guilty.. this has gotta stop soon.
to all the people who came to ask abt me, thanks..thank u mel, eunice! :) thanks for being there. to simone, thanks for asking,i'll tell u soon if u wanna know.. and sorry i didnt watch pirates with ya.
darren, im sorry i didnt go for legion..again..doubt u;d read this but well i really admire ur perseverence. and ur patience...really wanna be more like u, though i dont really know whats the real u.
to you, im sorry ive hurt u, dont think i can ever repay what ive done to u...but i;ll never forget our friendship even if u do.
to my baby, thanks for understanding..do be more patient with me esp when im pmsing cuz i get emo and feel like crying easily...and patience doesnt mean what u did cuz tt showed tt u had lost ur patience already.there will be more trying instances like tt, jus hope we;ll get thru it all...and most of all i really hope you'll understand what im saying and thinking. cuz u dont always to hav to rely on eg or "revenge" for u to get it.hope ur life is ok.love ya dear...:) see i said it..now its ur turn.

a laugh at the moronic world we live in

2006-07-10T00:50:00.000+08:00

The Five Love Languages

Your primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.
Complete set of results

Quality Time:		10
Physical Touch:		9
Words of Affirmation:		6
Acts of Service:		4
Receiving Gifts:		1

haha to be honest this quiz was quite funny...come on man whats with the "Visible symbols of love (gifts) are very important to me." ...honestly..shouldnt "I feel loved when you affirm me." be more impt?? or maybe tts jus me la..
well last sat was wonderful! spent a morning at the moe fest lol! yes u read tt correctly.. the moe excel fest haha u must be wondering what m i doing there? well i went with shing to check out the fringe activities which sounded really inviting in the notice. there was thermoforming (bascially acrylic) candle holders, clay stuff, polymer paperwts ( actually i think they used epoxy glue with hardener) , henna painting, balloon sculpturing, and so on..and it was all FREE haha so fun. i got a henna on my arm whee but it isnt tt fantastic but its my first so yea..after tt went with shing to chinatown and to our dismay, the miniature shop had closed down!! noooo!! why.. so anyway went to the art and beads shops after tt and i spent abt 27 dollars there..ouch la..i think even the cheapest shop there is ex... hmm i once bought beads in amk ( abt 30 for 90cents) and i saw the exact thing gg for 6 for $1.80...gosh tts like ten times the price! anyway after tt shopping spree, im now left with ten dollars this week...how smart is tt. haha say i spend abt 2 bucks per day,hmm shld be able to make it thru this wk...still owe class fund and stuff..
anyway i gotta save up again if i wanna start making miniature stuff with polymer clay..cant wait man...haha so far ive copied 2 bks on food and flowers..next up is miniature doll's furniture..so jus gotta start practising the making part..but with all the upcoming a's i doubt i shld even start.hmm speaking abt making stuff, i jus printed a whole lot of polyhedron templates recently..darn i cant wait to make them...and then theres my plaster of paris figurines from bukit tinggi tt needs painting...haha im such a collector or rather hoarder of such things and yet i never do them..but mind u i hav completed some..
jus recalling smth tt happened tt i think is totally unfair!...but well i wont go on abt it..its over for now..how it happened? all i can say its biasedness..yeap total discrimination...
finding out u said smth like tt..really hurts..cuz i know(maybe think) ure hurting but i cant do anything abt it...all i can say is tt im sorry... sorry for this pain tt ive caused u...
its come to a point where everything is happy and wonderful...but how long will it last? only time will tell.

it doesnt matter anymore

2006-07-02T15:23:00.000+08:00

a story that heaven once sent
now the beginning of an end
it doesnt hurt anymore
its ok to let me hear it once more
let the blood spill and the tears flow
just as u turn ur back to go
leave just like how u came
and in the end its always the same

really duno what to do anymore.. its always the same.. same ol' problems tt never change... if only u took note of what i said and bothered to do smth abt it.
how u said after the a's, somehow it sounds like theres no future.

colmar tropicale

2006-06-25T18:23:00.000+08:00

finally can add images haha k here are some photos from tinggi...haha bukit tinggi..got loads more but it takes forever jus to upload these 5 pics..so im impatient to publish more..anyway the rabbits there are jus sooo cute!! :D ahhh haha anyway dont kope my photos ok!

every princess has a knight

2006-06-23T13:08:00.000+08:00

been thinking abt this phrase..does tt mean princesses prefer knights? cuz shldnt princesses go for princes?? and if they do prefer knights, what do these knights hav to offer? i suppose its cuz these knights are all brave and courageous and are constantly looking after these princesses..and how abt princes? what do they hav to offer? a kingdom to be herited? money? luxury...but is it worth it? what if that prince wasnt brave... do princes fall under the grp of knights?
haha just crazy thoughts..and they sort of apply to the real world too...would u go for a man who has money or one who'll stand up for u, has integrity and a heart?

ps gonna fail econs and chem..confirm already...lately failing doesnt seem to bother so much as it used to.. beginning to accept it... and abt the job i wanna go into? mm doubt i want it to be intelligent and stuff..i dont mind working in a factory or being a waitress. but then how much do they earn?
think my nyaa thing is jus screwed up..doubt i'll complete it..and isnt this award meant for students who r so excellent?? am i? i doubt it... looking at some of the pics of tinggi i realised i hav very few pics..say abt 3 in all of them ( i think) so why bother doing nyaa when i didnt even stand out. and seriously i cant help being disgusted at some of the pics..but why bother..
i quit ballet..stoped gg for art ministry..gonna fail midyrs terribly...man, im jus screwed up...
i need my knight to come quick and take me away from all this

rabbit fever!

2006-06-16T00:02:00.000+08:00

jus came back from malaysia with my family haha bukit tinggi...lol its near genting...had an amazing time there! so now i can say i went to both pulau and bukit tinggi :) when we reached there it was afternoon already so jus explored the place and ate dinner...stayed at colmar tropicale up a mountain pretty cooling there.. there were roses in the japanese village and botanical gardens! super nice flowers and there were even strawberries and fir trees! so anyway played a lot of arcade games and even pool there..mm the next day we went to the rabbit farm and we got to feed the rabbits...theyre soooo sooo cute!!!! cannot stand it la..they;ll nibble on ur hands to eat and many will come to u if u hav food..greedy lil things but theyre jus too cute already! went to the sports complex to do some bowling and play table tennis..got trashed by my bro and dad in bowling ahha dunno why i was playing so badly..think i kept hooking the ball and didnt follow thru properly..darn..table tennis became more of tennis when i played with my bro..lol it was all over the place..hardly used the table..the food wasnt so great but looked nice haha second last day we went to genting in the car..took ages to drive up the mountain...practically crawling up the hill...didnt do much there except g0 into the haunted house..which my bro got real scared in when the skeleton sutied guy jumped at him haha i was too actually but i ran across leaving him behind oops..so my mum had to run back to get him
..did i mention it was a french themed resort i stayed at? and there were swans there too both black and white.. really pretty and graceful... anyway got back safely...and i realised tt theres ALOT of malaysians working in sg cuz there were tons of them gg back to msia in the evening on the last day.. ps they were riding on boon siew motorcycles..all belonging to me :P cuz my name is voon siew..jus changed the name a bit so no one would know..lol

what a wonderful world...

2006-06-08T22:59:00.000+08:00

jus thinking how materialistic this world is...and what comes to mind is the club chinois incident..the one where i wore a danceworks tshirt in... does it really matter what u wear?? isnt whats inside tt shld? what if a rich towkay walked in wearing a singlet? so what...or if ur neighbour wore smth like an ah pek...hes still ur neighbour and u shldnt care what he wears right...
does it mean if i wear a lousy ragged shirt i dont hav enough money to pay? really disgusting how some pple put so much value on what u wear.. okok maybe wearing ragged clothes is a bit extreme but wear something decent and it shld be fine right? neednt be ex or flashy..jus decent... nth tt shows more than u shld or any holes..and what if my clothes which looked a bit funny is meant to be outstanding and make a statement? then what..

hmm and since they did let us in..after much scrutiny at our clothes..it shows what mattered what the money they would get isnt it?

"you'll be the last man on earth i'll ever be prevailed upon to marry!" wonderful wonderful phrase! :) love it! cant wait to use it one day...

'BEING ONE KG HEAVIER THAN YESTERDAY IS NOT EAT.' its stuff! whaha actuallt my friend said fat instead of eat..but cool quote la haha i ate a whole carls jr meal by myself today!! woot chilli cheeseburger with beef and chilli cheese fries with a drink haha a lot to eat i tell u.. okok i admit my bro did eat some of the fries...maybe ten out of the 50 fries haha fat fat gal i m now :P love it! dont u capikan?

oh, what an ugly and coniving world we live in..im part of it too..

drops of jupiter

2006-06-04T01:40:00.000+08:00

somehow i think im gonna fail all my subjects...i mean even maths...like what the hell is all tt stats and stuff...tried doing tys qns but im stuck on every single qn and im not kidding when i say every qn...how.... and theres soo many things coming up...dance camp, sleepover, a week to malaysia omg la how... oh yes cip too arghhhhhhh
somehow my life now is soo full of lies..lies tt i cant get away from...one lie leads to another..this sucks..
i dont see the meaning in all this...what for...doesnt make me a better person does it? hah maybe more patience...
oh yes...thank u ervin;s limewire software..
well i learned today tt u cant count on other pple for help...except maybe teachers..but in the end its all up to u..maybe i dont care anymore..maybe i jus wanna fail...too many things to doo
a little more care and concern pls...
Drops of jupiter ( lovely song!!) by Train
Now that shes back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that shes back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that theres time to grow, hey, hey

Now that shes back in the atmosphere
Im afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone
Conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way

Promises

2006-05-31T10:39:00.000+08:00

in crystal boxes you will find
such tiny splendours that glow and shine
if you ever chance upon such pleasures
tread daintily and take careful measures

unlock these boxes to find a glimmer of hope
that wraps and warms the soul
like a golden rope
but wait, dont think you've found your goal

treat the crystal boxes with care
and your happiness will be far from measly
an unbroken box is rare
for they crumble easily

alas if u shatter the crystal box
saddness and pain will befall you
the golden rope becomes chains and locks
that hinders everything you try to do

hear this poem and beware
for promises are easily made
and easily broken

reliving the ol' times...

2006-05-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

haha was looking through all my old posts..somehow many of them are thoughts of what im feeling now or what you are thinking of now.. like wow! jus goes to show i used to hav those probs..does tt mean im not advancing? hmm was thinking abt what u said..abt how superior humans marry inferior humans and thats how the human race doesnt evolve...doesnt tt mean ure making the same mistake..sometimes i wonder where i fit into ur life..i see the things tt u do and compare them with mine..so so different..dont ya think?
an old blog post.."sometimes i wonder what am i supposed to do in this world...i go thru it as if i dont exist...as some pple think..and tts cuz i dont talk much...guess sometimes i dont find the need to...sometimes when i talk, im jus forcing some words to pop out...meaningless... silence is golden..and u dont always need to talk to be understood or hav ur presence felt.. or even to keep ur friends..and its not like i dont talk when talked to...sigh forget it.." similar aint it? haha there's one on childishness too!

hah! going thru my old posts also showed tt i used to talk quite a bit abt someone...things change i guess..to be honest i miss the old you..but i guess everyone changes and sometimes change is good..right? doesnt matter how close we r anymore..jus hope ure happy...i seriously hate losing friends..

dont wanna let u go

2006-05-25T17:18:00.000+08:00

Hey girl,I wanna catch your wave
Hey girl,I wanna drift away with you
Hey girl,you've got an undertow
Hey girl,hey girl, don't wanna let you go

haha thats how i feel abt someone right now..but not in the romantic sense..and its a guy la sigh..feel like we've already lost our friendship ( k i dunno how to phrase this) As i was telling someone abt going out and doing what u hav to do instead of sitting arnd and waiting for a miracle to happen..sigh doing the exact wrong thing..darn i really miss him... miss talking to him... you've changed so much, feel like i dont know u anymore

somehow my toy poem is so true...once again i've lost contact with u..remember i once said that before? maybe u dont realise it..cant do anything..jus like a toy, im childish, i cant move or talk and cant do anything to change ur mind or how u feel..any second anyone can come arnd and squash me flat and u'll never know..or even care...

toy...

2006-05-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

your life, your space, your thoughts, your dreams, your friends...what the hell am i doing here??

jus like a toy left on the shelf,
with no one for company but myself
with a simple hope that you'll cuddle me
even if u dont, i'll understand u see

im not the toy that constantly needs hugging
or even a relief from all that mugging
im not the toy that u snuggle with each night
or takes away saddness and rain from your sight

what kinda toy am i, u wonder
with a pile of clothes im hidden under
im jus a toy, with a tiny glimmer of hope
that one day u'll find me and cuddle me after washing me with some soap.

dont u think this poem is cute? haha :D

long long time

2006-05-11T23:29:00.000+08:00

has been such a long while since ive been here...8th april was the last time haha imagine...super long la anyway feeling quite happy now..and kinda itchy..okok VERY itchy...got hives on my arms and legs..eek and sand fly bites..courtesy of pulau tinggi..strange thing is..the bites onyl appeared like 1 week later..so weird la..cuz of time lag haha i tell u im gonna scratch my leg off now yikes!!! itchy!! :(
went to peek around spotlight today..totally love tt place..and i cant wait to go back there haha and art friend woots..i may go shopping with my bro tmr..how cool is tt..if i do, that'll be one of the few times we go out tog.. wow..
sometimes i feel kinda sad to lose friends..even if they;re jus there in front of u, u feel like u hav noo connection with the person anymore or not like u used to..sigh and when they;re not near u, u feel like u hav no true friends...i dunno la jus miss all of u...k la time for me to slp/.//will do this another day nigth bloggie.!!

someday my prince will come

2006-04-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

Yes, thanks ronald for making me do this quiz. haha

My Perfect Lovers Instructions: The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. Specify the gender of the target. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their page saying they've been tagged. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

Gender: male (or female if i really hav no choice lol)

1. he's gotta be funny/witty if not i cant laugh anymore or he wont laugh at my lame jokes.

2. he's gotta have a bit of schizophrenia so he can be a very balanced person :P eg being a good and bad boy, or both lame and serious, or cold and warm..yea u get it..(at different times i mean)

3. sensitive so he can read my feelings or thoughts

4. presentable ( not extremely ugly and no need to be extremely gd looking)

5. i dont mind if he's a bit crazy at times, thinking of new ways to surprise and excite me or jus to make me laugh :D

6. understanding so he can understand my points of view and be able to compromise something

7. patient cuz he's gonna have to wait a lot for me :P haha since im always late

8. creative and passionate so life will be full of fun and adventure :)

haha having said all this, i dont mind if he's not always this way...as my 2nd pt always holds true well..this was harder than i thought but interesting to do:)
had an amazing time with you today! haha jus gotta manipulate u more and u;ll let me try something lol and honestly u shld stop la its not good for u...
well had a wonderful meal at club chinois just now haha hope i spelt it correctly..wahaha firstly, i went there with my big shirt from danceworks and berms lol and they said they had a dress code! oops so they had to arrange a table for us ( i guessed they needed time to check with BOSS if they could violate the dress code if they had no impt visitors) so anyway after a minute they got us a table (better to earn some money yea?) the food was amazing! and expensive la ouch!! we ate honey walnuts, foie gras/ peking duck, fried fish, prawn sushi like thing, a rack of lamb (actually a rib of lamb), white asaparagus...delicious la!! but super ex! doubt i'll ever eat there again haha one meal there= 5-6 meals at swenson's ice cream!! which is more? :P

change

2006-03-25T11:17:00.000+08:00

time flies doesn't it..i still cant believe im gonna be 18 this yr..tt im gg to a uni next yr..i wonder what am i put here in this world to do..i realised i dont hav a goal..nothing to work towards to..what i wanna be next time is unrealistic..if i do tt i would jus hav wasted all my time studying in jc/uni...and even what i wanna do requires money..and i suppose u could say is totally different from what im studying.. so therefore, i dont hav a goal now..yes, i agree i shld go out and find out what i want, but how? i dont even know where to start.. somehow i feel im gonna end up in a job i detest but jus do it for the sake of doing it..there are times when i think i would make a gd teacher..but honestly, i think tts more or less the shittest of all jobs..cuz u hav to slog day and night and even during ur holidays to mark stuff, to keep up with the everchanging system, be a gd role model, discipline ur students..but what do i know right? i guess there is satisfaction in teaching but is it worth it?
to be honest, uve made me change the way i feel abt relationships...i always thought tt it wld be awkward or difficult to talk to tt someone and tt no matter what, i will still break up with tt person..to me, relationships were jus ways to pass time or someone to flirt with...and even if we got to a stage where everything was perfect, there was no way it would last as we're so young and we cant marry and tt we'll drift apart one day...but u hav made me think twice abt all this and tts a start i guess...
it is true tt we;re really quite opposite to each other..there r more ways tt we're opp than alike.. one thing on my mind is tt ure more worldly wise and tt u think more deeply..sometimes i wonder if i'm too shallow for u and what we talk abt is too shallow for u..like i said, sometimes i really feel like a baby crying over small things and u like an adult consoling me... and knowing much more things abt the world..whatever it is dont let this post worry u..its jus thoughts in my mind..pick up tt phone and give me a call :) i'll be waiting!

guardian angel

2006-03-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

would u believe i am your guardian angel
watching over u each night
as u lay in bed so tight
sleeping so sweetly

would u believe i watched u when he left u
tears streaming down ur face
as u sat on the beach in the glittering moonlight
waves rushing upon the shore
wishing they'll take u away

would you believe i pulled u away from the darkness
i could not bear to let u go
wonder if u know someone's looking after you
watching your every move

would u believe im ur guardian angel
that i loves you
and if said u do too i'll fall to be with you
and even if u dont
i'll continue to be with you no matter what

for as long as you live and forever
jus remember...
i love you

signed,
your guardian angel
inspired from the song guardin angel by lee ryan

living in the shadows, loving u with ur disguise

2006-03-08T22:17:00.000+08:00

life behind a mask
may seem like a difficult task
living in the shadows
u think it makes u mellow

but its simpler than think
all problems in mind go down the sink
everything u wanna hide
all u need to do is jus decide

k this was a really awkward poem thingy but i dont care!
i now know why there r normads and shifting cultivations...
if u dont know a person's character, look at his friends... sigh wayy too many things going thru my mind,,man..if only i could jus take it all and throw it away!! i will get thru this! anyway 47 chem! not bad la i expected to fail terribly.. oh wells danceworks fault!! haha no la my fault..

surprise me!

2006-03-03T23:14:00.000+08:00

k im bored...tts why im blogging haha darn i see no pt in blogging nowadays..oh no!! but i keep reading pple's blogs :O k cts are over yay!! im gonna do soo badly la been sick, had danceworks, didnt study...a combi of factors..haha and i was late today for maths paper ohh dear i really shld wake up earlier..lol this morn i was like aiya still early la nvm one but when i reached the bus stop my 3 friends ( the ones i usually take cab with) said aiya late already la so we took a cab...and the cabs didnt like us la..it was green but when they came near us they all turn red hmph!! talk abt gd service! finally got a cab and i was LATE!! eek!! after maths paper went to sing KBox.. it was fun! kept taking the mike to say weird stuff into it lol so fun! then celebrated leo's bday and yea had lots of fun singing and crapping..
k i also wanted to play lan ( only CS) haha and play pool but if i joined the guys it'll be so weird..dunno why but i got a craving for pool now..nah not yahoo pool..anyone wanna play? haha bleah im like jus talking to myself..y is my post so sian one? HAHA i know what will make this interesting..ii must tell u ..i bought a hi^5 cd lol was a lil ex but not as bad as the 60 dollars one i saw last time haha woah listening to it now and its damn shiok! haha im so childish but i dont care!! :p haha oh yes~! we trapped ervin in the bus and asked him some qns :P we're so evil but it was fun interogating him! haha
someone surprised me today..and to be honest i was surprised at how delighted i felt after tt..not sure if tts a gd sign..hmm but it jus made my heart pump a bit faster..or maybe its the way it was done..oh dear haha

surprise me like uve never done before
take me faraway from here to wonder at things i never saw
to that fairy tale land, or the crashing seas, to the big blue sky or the jungle wild
take me to that hidden land and make me smile :)

true friends

2006-02-28T00:49:00.000+08:00

trying to dry the rose my friend, pamela, gave me..so nice of her la..well danceworks is over..all the time and effort gone,..we didnt get in,..well i guess tts ok. get to spend more time on studies..somewhat..at least we got 1st for the sandwich board..but tt board was really well done la..it beat all the other grps flat!! we rock! or rather elena's drawing rocks..and all the time and effort put in by everyone didnt go to waste..incandescence got in! yay im really glad for them..first!! woot so proud of them! they'd better win!! :)
sometimes pple are more like you than u think they are

anyone got any nice songs?

2006-02-18T22:11:00.000+08:00

hah life has been really interesting these few days..honestly i cant wait for monday haha got a date with michael tan lol ...u know what happened on v day?.. stickers were given out which says "you're special to me" and ure supposed to sign so..mich wrote "michael" and dennis wrote "tan" haha my special date man! and ms lim went to tell him!! ahhh lol so now he somewhat knows my name la..tt day when i went to see him for my "date", he gave a laugh when he heard my name ahh :P lol
well theres dance tmr from 9 -8 yep no typo...its really 9am to 8pm sooo goona die shld be really tiring...there cross country on tues..and im running competitive ohhh dearr..haha after tt the class might be coming to ma place man..haha doubt they'll wanna stay long cuz there's class the next day..jus hope it'll turn out ok..the pizza is gonna be so ex and slow if they order tt again...haha i jus thought of a comment gomez made..it goes smth like "see the similarity in the pple sitting at this table?" lol
anyone knows what song sylvester sim covered for his song there with you? i know the lyrics are NOT what he sang..love the tune!! hmm why are all the cute guys gay?? justin hee, lee hom, hmm theres more..perhaps its jus a cover so gals wont go after them haha
"If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Then I'm guilty "-Blue
im not who u really think i am..

if only u could understand...

2006-02-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

argh sometimes i think im getting old..so many problems...so tired..my bro thinks tt i hav gotten the same prob as him- collapsed jaw..remember how i was complaining abt my jaw aching? yeap turns out its likely to be a collapsed jaw..dunno whether to think its gd or not...it'll definitely make my face longer so it wont be soo round..but its painful la..esp when i yawn or sometimes when i eat..argh..
omg!! westlife sang "be with you"!! ahh..i realised their turnaround album is nice la..why didnt i buy it last time? ahh im going to buy it!! wahaha plus face to face, i think eug will slaughter me if he finds out haha but i dont care!! woot westlife so rocks my world!!

busy busy busy

2006-02-10T21:57:00.001+08:00

been quite busy lately..esp since i joined NYAA bronze, doing cip on 23/4 for sg cancer society, what else? oh yes danceworks!! and theres still sch.. sigh
sometimes i think to myself..what m i doing?? or do i really belong here?
tmr second cousins are coming...gonna see them again..gotta help out in the kitchen..my mum is gonna cook 10 dishes(not including dessert)! GOSH cant help but think its a way of competing with the prev dinner at their place..always like tt la wth la..cant stand tt woman(not my mum),..oh wells..why do i feel this way? i dont know tt many cousins of mine yet those tt i know i view them with scorn..perhaps i cant relate to them, they;re like so old.all married..i really envy those pple who hav cousins around their age at least its somewhat easier to relate and talk abt ur lives. then again something else bad may happen
living in delusion...sometimes that is sooo true..

sheep in the city! :P

2006-02-05T16:40:00.000+08:00

i bought a sheep!! haha k la its a soft toy but its so cute! i really need to stop buying soft toys..they;re kind of a waste of money..like tt forever friends bear which i got and left it to smile to itself in the cupboard..and the star pillow which is hidden away..even the heart-shaped pillow my mum made for me is rotting away..plus many others...no more soft toys for me..
gosh some of online friends r getting freaky..one laughs and laughs like no one;s business..even laughs at tragic things..the other is err becoming too hmm dirty-minded..the irritating one has now more or less stopped talking to me which is kinda good..but he keeps chasing this gal, and somehow i feel tt the gal does not like him..

whats wrong with them!! hmm maybe its actually me whos feeling weird...dunno la..dont care abt them
feeling sheepish now lol sheep sheep sheep :)...k back to work.. :( how do we add pics here?

lovely rose tinted glasses...

2006-02-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

taking off my rose-tinted glasses...looking at the world in its full "glory"? i dont know...or perhaps im putting on darker shades and looking at the world like its an evil thing...

well dance is getting better and much more fun now..seriously i love the floorwork! so nice la it rocks!! gosh still so slow la...many more counts of 8 need to be learnt..oh dear..got 3 nice songs to dance to now yay!! i finally got the one tt was stuck in my mind for some time..
my jaw hurts like crazy la..im getting old...and no i didnt talk tt much or eat tt much
ever get the feeling ure gonna die early? cuz ure not the only one...
work piling on...im tired..jus feel like giving up..tests coming up...how...
ever feel like something is holding u back? like u know u shldnt push urself too hard for fear of smth bad happening? but when u didnt know such a thing could happen, u gave it all ur best? been thinking too much abt it lately, perhaps noticing it more now..sometimes i wish i didnt know..then i would hav given all my best....actually i think i always knew smth was wrong, deep down in my heart ...hah..what a pun..
kinda regret not going for chingay..thought it would clash terribly with danceworks and with ballet...oh well...missed out on smth..the shirt is nice!! pink and black stars! except for the milo thing haha
"nan ren bu huai, nui ren bu ai" haha there is some truth in there...it means if a guy isnt bad, gals wont like...it kinds of explains my fetish lol well not really fetish..
k i really admire darren la...can sit with him at a bus stop and talk for 15mins..and in tt 15 mins u can see tt he knows tons of pple...2 were on the bus tt was passing by! like wow la..and did i mention he has 3 ccas plus other activities which i dunno abt? i hav 1 only and im dying..take my hat off to him..i wonder who else has 3 ccas!! crazy la gonna slp early today night! im sorry dennis for not doing econs...:( dont be sad ok)

every step u take every move u make

2006-01-27T23:15:00.000+08:00

gosh im still way behind time..hmm i dont really know what im doing online now..well, msn is getting pretty boring since everyone is playing games, or away or no one is here..oh well its better i guess so i can get my hw done
well performing on stage today was fun :P boogie woogie! wore a pink feather boa and freaked the whole class out lol .. but a little scary cuz i forgot some of my steps..imagine if it was danceworks..fail already..gonna train really hard for danceworks..for now not gonna care much abt how the academic stuff is..concentrate on dance!! yes i know tt we might not win but if we dont try then y enter the comp?

do u know u make my heart beat faster with every word u say? do u know u jus made my day?

missing

2006-01-22T22:12:00.000+08:00

u came to me one day
said u were missing something
i gave u all the help u needed
cuz u were my best friend

thought maybe u needed a listening ear
or a big teddy bear hug
how about a nice companion
perhaps someone to be there for u

then one day u found it
all u wanted was love
someone to whisper sweet nothings in ur ear
give u all the things u wanted

guess i wasnt enough for u
as u walked away with that special someone
i realised i was missing something
but u were too far away for me to call back

jus came back from reunion dinner..well relatives...my mum's cousin's family...dont really hav tt much relatives..perhaps they;re in msia but dont really know..im an aunty btw :P so old liao ahhh..i hav a niece who's 2yrs old she;s super cute but so shy around us...think shes a bit too clingy to her grandma..which kinda icks me out..but u dont need to know why...think shes too dependent on her..alright gotta study for econs now...im so screwed ..plus for phy..i need to catch up ahh

life full of sin and deceit...and copied work

2006-01-22T01:11:00.000+08:00

dont make me regret doing this...

so i guess you're leaving today,
how did things turn out this way?
u said what u wanted to say
u wanted to go away

alright i regretted doing tt...u really disappoint me

well i had ballet class today..super tired..im so rusty at ballet now..argh, the better gals r getting a lot better oh dear..im falling behind on everything!!..doing my phy tut as i blog..oh and econs project.so many things to do..anyway the italic words usually mean the most of what i wanna say here..sigh.. so many bad things and accidents r happening to my close relatives..dont know what to do, cant even help them...

It's all up to you now...wont be expecting much from u
Perhaps one day, you'll realise who i really am
At first u'll be shocked, but u'll go away feeling like ure the luckiest person in the world

2006-01-20T23:02:00.000+08:00

why raise ur hopes high
when they r going to be dashed
"reach for the sky!"
but u fall with a loud smash

im falling waaayyy behind on my work..got econs project..phy tut..maths tut, chem tut..no idea whats gg on in lectures...someone PLEASE kick my butt...i need to get started..once i start i know i can carry on..well..got the dance shirt and pullover today...i realised i look fat in the pullover..oh dear..anyway im super sleepy...tired the last few days..gotta show up for ballet tmr..cuz i missed it today darn tired la

3ccas!

2006-01-19T00:00:00.000+08:00

how can someone hav 3 ccas!! its crazy la..dunno how he does it somemore..astro, legion, shooting..wow!! im impressed la..and hes quite involved in them too..man..but i think his academic results are suffering..thats not gd..but 3 ccas la..and catholic activities thingy too if im not wrong..haha tt inspired me to post this entry..oh and someone;s joke abt tissue haha
"may i hav a piece of tissue?"
"im afraid i cant give it to u..its attached to my muscle"
whaha :P
oh yes..today's mass order from noodle king! 14 plates whooohoo crazy la haha the pple behind were like what the hell!! mass order! lol poor things..aww...

Girls...and guys..

2006-01-09T21:18:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder what do gals hav tt makes guys go crazy over them...jus talked to one of my friends...there seems to be this wonderful gal he likes..a gal who's 3 yrs older than him...who has a bf who treats her badly and yet she still wants to continue the relationship...(perhaps its the guy!) she has gone overseas with this bf and who knows what they hav done there...yet my friend still continues to ponder over her..want her so much..she must hav smth abt her, maybe shes damn pretty..or maybe.. i dunno...she feels jealous when he talks to gals..like if u want him..jus break with ur bf la! maybe the bf is supplying her money...and my friend is not bad looking..he can prob get any gal he wants..so why is he still thinking abt her? she must hav some sort of hold over him..darn why m i everyone's advisor? maybe i was born to do tt...

i'm crazy about u...

like a colourful butterfly
you caught my eye
flitting from flower to flower
u showed me ur great power

u could hav any flower u wanted
straight or even slanted
i knew u wouldnt notice me
for i was jus a weed u see

standing far in the corner of the field
i knew my fate had been sealed
i couldnt get ur attention
and was not even worth the mention

for i was jus a weed
full of sin and greed
preying on other plants
for all my needs and wants

its alright if u stay away from me
because my thorns might jus prick thee
my wish is that u remain as sweet at hay
and be carefree and happy the rest of ur days :)

Toe man

2006-01-06T23:42:00.000+08:00

alrighty...things i wld like to accomplishhh ( eek the stupid game's noise jus scared me)
lose 5 kg by end of the yr (gonna try runnig every recess)
do well in my A's
dance well
be early whenever i can haha not

darn i cant forget this..benji im sorry haha im gonna blog abt ur err joke
anyway this happened during lecture..was asking benji if he takes tuition..and he said "shh dont disturb me la"...then later i asked again...and he said i will tell u whether i take tuition if mrs toh (she was lecturing at tt time) shows me her toe... :O haha damn funny la and we started laughing non stop.. once i stopped he wld start or vice versa and it continued for quite a while wahah damn funny..shing and rach kept looking at us..and we had to cover it up by coughing or looking down LOL! i tell u benji is mad...k bye bloggie

2006-01-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

bad mood..really bad mood these few days... anything tt isnt going right might jus make me blow..arggghhhhh...never felt this way before..perhaps i havent been sleeping enough..5hrs of slp last night..
bloody tired of typing and smsing..fingers damn pain..
ahhh can u stop complaining!! how can u keep complaining abt ur life when pple in africa like suffering? they dont even hav enough food to eat!! how can u say ure not fortunate?? u hav parents, u hav sibs, u hav food to eat...tv, computer..hot water..and even a ps2 that u can sell away and buy another...u even hav education!! u hav no right at all to complain abt how lousy ur life is...cuz its not!!! and u say ur not lucky at all..pls la if ure not lucky, y in the world r u gg into the jc of ur choice? y r u getting the subjects u wanted??
damn it...this sounds a bit like what mal was angry at me abt...not getting to the jc i wanted..but i did get the 4 subjs...sigh thanks mal...but doubt u'll ever see this..u know..i think tt arguement caused us to move apart..i dunno? maybe u realised what a bitch i was...well still am..at this moment...sometimes dont even know y we stopped talking..damn it i hate myself
wow a new side of me...honestly never felt this way..well so strongly..usually jus keep it inside
STUPID OUTING LA!! i give up ..im too pissed to organise anything!! dennis pls do it! thanks!! thank u so much...wrong time to ask me to organise stuff and be patient abt pple's wants..
hope i cool down before sch starts..think ive become a diff person..oh man...i hope im not sinking into depression..once tried counselling a guy with it (he does see a real counsellor) it was super depressing to talk to him la..a bit like how harry potter;s happiness is sucked outta him cuz of a dementor..im bloody childish now...damn..

Falling from grace

2006-01-01T14:05:00.000+08:00

Lies, lies
u said u told lies
they were meant for a friend
for a hand was what u wanted to lend

those lies were white
to get her out of her plight
i believed in u, i trusted in u
thought u did the best that u could do

till the day i found out
and jus wanted to scream and shout
for those lies
those wonderful white lies
were meant for me...

.....how could you?

im falling falling..falling from grace
to a place
where i belong
with no one to guide me along

u didnt need to lie to me
jus tell me the truth so i could see
what a bitch i was
and the hurt that i caused

im looking looking.. looking up at u
reflecting on what u used to do
now with ur angel's wings spread, in splendour and truth
i walk away, cold and aloof

why do u still follow me, embracing me with open arms?
i;ll stain ur wings, make u dirty, yet u had no qualms
u held me close,whispering sweetly in my ear
how u loved me and wanted to protect me all these years

every night as u laid in bed
wishing i'd take back all the things i said
u wept a lake
and all for my sake

touched by ur love i started to tear
how could u still treat me so dear
then it happened... i felt my filth washed away
and i could live another day

night had passed and the sun was rising
i felt a big change in me arising
i was pure, white, clean and true
i was someone as good as new
someone just like you...

falling to the dark side

2005-12-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

im gonna fall right into the new yr..dive into my books and start studying like mad..yeap..no more fooling arnd no more msning (try la) no more tv (ouch tt';ll be hard) and no more everything..falling falling..falling from grace
i hardly see u i hardly hear ur voice i dont understand u...i dont want to anymore...im tired im sick im confused...please let me go...

pain...all in vain...wish i was slain
take me away from here...back to everything tt was dear...dont u ever be near
what made u think we could connect...perhaps it was jus an act...something abt u, u jus lacked
dont need u to be my knight...with all ur glory and might...jus leave from my sight
(how ironic..gals always asking to be taken away by their knight to some place beautiful but not me...well,not now...)
sigh feeling damn sian on new yrs day...sian... yes yes ah lian word maybe but cant think of a proper eng word tt could say it ( tired? bored? mm maybe fed up with everything)
okok new yr resolution...be early for sch/meetings/anything...hah! like tt will happen..and also to be a bad gal...yea. bad..m i sick of being a gd gal/goody 2 shoes? maybe..
How to be a bad gal
1. be skinny (oh oh hard to achieve)
2. be bitchy
3. act like im the queen of the world ( jus like the white witch...)
4. mm i dunno...darn i need help

ever felt like ure faking what ure feeling? faking tt ure all happy and delighted? feeling tt right now..im such a pretender..sian...yes im sorry..im taking things for granted too...
what an ugly post to read...bitchy side of me...aaron pls dont be freaked out...dont wanna see food falling fr ur mouth again..tt was damn funny ( sorry didnt mean to laugh)
maybe maybe im jus cranky and sleepy...(yes i do get giggly when sleepy, laughing after each line, but not now)
we;re from different worlds..u stay in urs i stay in mine...yep tt makes the worlds ( yes worlds...urs and mine) go arnd
u walked outta my world...and u wanna come back in?
kinda lost motivation to study now..study for?? to do well in the business world? im not so sure..even a failure in sch can make it big so...?
argh y do i oppose everything that u say? so confused..
well..at least someone else is feeling sad on new yr's day...thanks B.. :/... :) well u may not be feeling sad..but ur nick sure comforts me...a lil..haha
well...will be back wearing my goody 2 shoes by tmr..maybe i am jus tired..night night
oh yes..im scared abt this yr..dont know how it will be like...
mistakes made should be learnt..why m i letting history repeat itself? ...addiction..
foul side of me release me from ur clutches...(then there'll be the imbalance) jan...go slp...
kk bye bloggie...this is prob my most terrible post..on new yr's day...oh dear not a gd way to start the yr

RED

2005-12-28T22:10:00.000+08:00

Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses. Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously. If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice — impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. That's why some reds have trouble with commitment. Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do.

wow...im red! haha nice colour..that colour is nice..esp the colour on the back of the maths lect book which keeps staining things if wet...but its really gorgeous i tell u! its a deep red yet bright(so conflicting) coloured..hmm i totally agree with the bottom part. i hav no commitment..keep changing..the pink part..mm not so sure im impulsive..at times only? will add more later at the bottom of msia trip haha

malaysia truly asia? (1.2 version)

2005-12-27T01:30:00.000+08:00

and so im back from outer space,..wait i mean malaysia..damn i jus wrote a long essay on this but it got deleted argh!! wasted time..anyway i was in malaysia for 2 wks..visiting my relatives... my granny and my aunt in KL..they were from ipoh actually, including my mum but moved to KL.. lots of things happened in KL
firstly, the food in msia is super cheap! each plate is abt $2!! with a lot of stuff and its gd!! then if u eat nasi padang, u can scoop any amt u like onto ur plate! wahhh yummy..but its a bit unhygenic with the flies arnd and the food left in the open..ooh yes they give free tissue too haha unlike sg..
the people there are nice too..u can jus talk to anyone on the street and they will give u a smile..which is diff from sg..i think in sg if u said anything to anyone..even to ask whether u dropped a piece of paper..all u get is a frown and sometimes no reply, or a snappy ans of no! in msia u can jus talk to anyone on the street, even jus to say merry christmas, or to smile abt smth funny..
next..the hygenic buses...haha not..its a super bumpy ride each time so much so that if u tried to drink water when the bus stops at redlight, u can still spill water haha the buses are dirty inside and out..it gives off tons of exhaust fumes making the air horrible to breathe..the smoke is really black! oh yes, the glass window is shattered too and taped back with scotch tape!! the back seats hav vulgarities scribbled all over it...haha oh yes..u hav to wait for 45 mins for a bus! i once waited over an hr!! i could jus die!!! if ure lucky the bus takes 20 mins to come..its so unpredictable and theres only 1 bus to take from our place taman desa..and its not like its ulu..well it was fun sitting in the bus in the morning. the bus is dimly lit. and it can go thru red lights!! uber cool! haha in sg we can never do that.. i guess its because of tt, tt stuff like tt though small, trivial, and non thrilling, is so fun. :P
smth freaky happened there too..an old man fell and died on the street! i didnt even know till someone told us..the ambulance came and refused to take him away! tts because he died already. they only take live pple i think so they were waiting for a police car to come (i think)..meanwhile he was covered in cardboard boxes and newspaper..so poor thing..he supposedly fell many times before at tt bus interchange so yea..its partly the street's fault..so full of litter and overgrown trees and holes in the ground..
oh yes..i had to cross the dirty dusty roads dangerously.it can be pretty dangerous at times cuz the vehicles (including buses) move at high speeds turning corners and stuff...and whats nice is tt some cars will actually stop for u though its on a busy road! but when there are jams..its really messy and noisy when the drivers horn..so msia has patient and impatient drivers..in sg i think its in btw..no driver will stop on a busy road for u unless its a zebra crossing and its not always tt they do tt..in jams i think sg can be more patient and wont horn much..
hmm i think the malaysian chinese gals dress really nicely..most of them..they are decently covered(jeans or skirt) and yet still sexy...oh yes and all of them tt i saw hav model bodies...all skinny or jus nice..jealous!!! :( im gonna exercise a lot to become like them! haha whether i;ll reach tt stage is a diff matter altogether
lastly, the malaysian chi guys haha not many of them though..but i think theyre hot! haha they look guai yet hav a hint of bad boyness..there was this guy i saw in church (oops.. bad gal) he wore this plain white tee shirt with dark blue shorts (yes, as short as cath high kind) his hair was spiked up a bit and there was a thick metal chain arnd his neck..and he said peace to me though he was 2 pews away!! ahhh haha then there was another guy on the street who wore this brown collared shirt with a vest over..a bit armani like i think..so nice la..in sg quite a lot hav some ah beng thing going on or some wear nice stuff but dont look too confident or happy in it. i notice msia guys over there dont frown much jus to act cool..they look calm and collected and somewhat happy..perhaps the grass is greener on the other side..haha
well my mum keeps talking abt how ipoh is much nicer than KL..how its cleaner and not much has changed since the ol days..went there last yr and my mum caught up with her friends..saw my grandma;s old car too! think its a white buggy? cant remmeber what its called. dont think it works anymore but still left there in care of some other relatives which i dont really know..
the choir in the church of our lady of fatimah is super nice la!! love love love them!! one guy has a loud base voice and the way he belts out the songs tog with the sweet voice of a woman;s is so beautiful..u can jus feel the power! perhaps its the mike tt makes it loud or smth but its really nice..its not with drums and stuff..jus the normal way its sung in a church yet its so nice! goosebumps..haha
well in msia i learnt how to iron (actually always knew but lousy at it) haha i did some cutting of veg and basically helped out..carried food from supermkt to home...oh yes i read some BORING joke books too..some of the jokes r repeated in the bk a few times la...and some r jus lame..heres one...make a sentence with centimetre...my sis came back from england and i was centimetre (sent to meet her) ..some arent so bad...will tell u in person if u like
well its late i shld stop typing..if i think of anything else to add abt msia i will place it here ==>haha heres more
i think i can understand cantonese better than mandarin..most msian chi speak tt haha can listen in on their convo..i still remember at novena mrt..a lady asked how to go to the "bai huo gong shi" which means shopping centre..and i thought "hmm gong shi means office" so i told her i didnt know how to go lol!! i was with mel and she didnt know the place so we couldnt help her..then a few secs later mel called wy and i called dennis wahaha (wy was with dennis so we cld hear dennis/wy's voices in the background talking to us super lame i tell u!) so we were told to go to the shopping centre! and i knew the way wahaha (hope tt woman didnt see me there)
if anyone goes to KL pls go to this shop teddy tales(KLCC or Midvalley mega mall) for me haha they sell fairly big bears for prices much cheaper than sg's!! i want!! in sg a bear tt size wld cost $60 or $70.. brown bear ok ok?? haha i will pay u back of course :) couldnt get one cuz i wld hav to carry it home..and my granny wld think i waste $...hmm tts true actually..what can i do with a bear? cant eat it..cant do anything besides hugging it..
anyway i came back home with a scraped knee haha i was doing stupid things at the playground..tried flying off from the swings...tt went well as usual..not as scary as it used to be..this time i place my tummy (its growing fatter! lol) on the swing and tried to fly..haha so tts how i scraped my knee..thought it was jus an abrasion..then few secs later it started to bleed..eek! so it was quite horrible bathing the next few days..and i couldnt bend and stretch my knee..u know how its like..but seriously its quite cool..haha sort of feel like a child again..running arnd and scraping knees and yes playing at the ulu playground where i can play and not be shouted at "oi so big still playing see saw/swing ah!" lol another thing..dont ever kneel on one knee on tarred roads, u can actually cut ur knee (yes thats how my other knee is injured too lol)
anyway i feel like some muddle-headed clumsy old professor..so far i hav washed my hair with soap and my body with shampoo and at diff times too..if u refer to my klutz post u can see how clumsy i am..falling down steps/kicking stuff down like the BIG yellow sign tt says wet floor..and more..wait a sec..this part isnt abt msia haha nvm..i may update this post again on anything abt msia

(-_-")

2005-12-13T22:19:00.000+08:00

wow..i didnt realise adults(art ministry pple) could make jokes..haha they're super (-_-)" haha the jokes are not funny..jus very.. hmm i dont know whats the word for it.. haha leaving tmr morning! anyone who wants to contact me..pls sms 9683**** my mum;s hp no. yea..think some of u shld know whats the remaining 4 nos...kinda scared of going there..it used to be cuz i was terrified of my grandma but now its more of terrified of getting robbed..wish my bro could join us for the whole trip..i would feel safer.but thats just a feeling. sigh, gonna be away for 2 wks..away fr sg..away from my stuff... my cool table which has all the stuff i need to make more stuff haha i guess its a gd thing..get to live the simple life..makes me appreciate what i hav..darn, i jus spent so much money today..feel a little guilty..but happy..sometimes i think money really can buy happiness..not a lot but some..dont most pple feel happy when they buy something they like? dont u feel that sense of happiness for a while (yes, jus a while) ? hmm..thats kinda shallow...but i dont care! aiya in the end its still our families and friends (the ones we enjoy being with not forced into it) that makes us truly happy..oh dear im rambling..
oh yes! i wanted to say this...i saw (repeat saw only) some guy that i met up once with oops..i think its him..it should be him..the way he looks is different from other pple..he looked at me la..oh man.. he was sitting in the bus and i jus got up the bus..i didnt dare look at him after that...gosh he must be thinking im such a bitch..hmm met him when i was abt 15? and he was abt 22..dont know what i was thinking then..but i didnt talk to him after that...sometimes i wonder if age gap matters..it shouldnt...tts if the person is on the same wavelength and maturity as u..then why did i freak out and never reply him again? (shallow gal) well im glad this thing of mine has stopped..darn..why m i blogging abt what i do? if this gets to my parents/sibs..i m sooo dead..hmm maybe thats my mum keeps calling me a heartbreaker..she keeps saying if i keep calling pple and one day jus stop..they'll go commit suicide...not sure if tt will happen but it jus might.wah this entry is super...messy and theres no link but i jus wanna place every thingy on my mind here..perhaps one day i will tell them abt what i did..
oh no! i need to go finish packing see ya bloggie..im gonna miss ya lots! dont run away ok bloggie? take care of my entries :P lol stress...

im leaving on a jet plane..no i mean coach

2005-12-10T01:16:00.000+08:00

argh super itchy all over!! i think some insects bit me!! couldnt sleep the whole night! argh i shldnt be scratching!! ahhh
gonna be leaving for malaysia soon...2 wks im gonna die i tell u..guess i shld bring some books to study there...wah going to msia this hols has sure made me miss a lot things thats going on..firstly, art ministry christmas bash, orientation dance, ballet concert, sch expeditions...many things la..sigh...but spending time with family is gd..gonna visit my grandma and my aunt there...thats all no cousins..sometimes i think my family..or rather the pple i know..are extremely little..but tts ok i guess. we get to bond more? im gonna miss sg!!! :( wont get to shop much cuz moving arnd will be difficult..esp when buses take an hour to come..in msia bus waiting time is really an hr!! argh.. KL somemore..gonna be bored stiff there..too afraid to bring my ex stuff there to play
sometimes i think im stupid..i dont treasure the things i hav till they;re gone..jus cant make myself care for it till its really gone..time and time again it has happened
im such a greedy and childish person..wanna get this star theatre 2 sold in toys r us..super cool la..but damn ex!!.. its some planetarium which can project stars onto the walls!! how cool is that! and i wanna get another forever friends bear haha super cute!! if i could i wanna buy the whole of art friend and spotlight haha
and yay my friend got promoted!! whoo! so many pple got promoted...i dont htink they actually passed cuz the sup papers r harder than the promo but still got promoted whee!! :)
santa santa, ive been good..could u get more presents this yr? pretty please? :P

tired

2005-12-07T21:40:00.000+08:00

well ive not felt this tired (muscle aching in legs) since last yrs rhythmic gym training...i guess its a gd thing..but i dunno la..its not gd enough for ryan..oh well..i did try my best but im not used to doing this..so i dont really know what is expected of me..and when he shows me..i need a lot of time to practise it..im slow..if u showed me ballet steps, i can pick it up much faster..each step taught is like so new to me..so foreign..but i;ll try my best..and some may say that he will teach us if we cant catch up...but really..he would but he would get so worked up over teaching us so many times..then he wld get angry over another reason..im tired..gonna slp like a piggy now!! yawn...gotta get my butt up by 8 tmr..ahhh need to start doing some hw too! im gonna miss singapore! leaving for msia for super long la...how to dance?

poem again

2005-12-06T23:49:00.000+08:00

k this is one of my favs...took me an hr to complete it..so long...and it has stuff abt nature which i love! so enjoy...pls dont copy thanks! did it a few wks ago but wasnt sure if i shld place it here..yes i know its kinda short and abrupt too..oh and this is meant for a guy writing it to a gal..im not les :)

As stars sparkle from the midnight skies
giving you that lovely twinkle in your eyes
As the wind whispers in your ear
how i wish i could hold you near
I long so much to kiss you
your lips like petals moist with dew
Just as the moon shines as bright as day
may i always be there to guide your way

kick butt time

2005-12-03T01:30:00.000+08:00

somebody pls kick my butt and get me started on my hw...well literally is fine too...haha.. yay yay yay gosh keep hearing tt sound from my mp4 player..haha damn funny la.jus praying it will never ever spoil..heart pain..
anyway cant seem to complete my poem..the words dont rhyme...but ive got the storyline all mapped out since a long time ago..its a bit unrealistic but imagine if it really happened! wow..im such a dreamer..well i'll try my best..its coming really slowly though..
got my grocery store all done up..miniature..super cute! but i had enough of tt...oh ya got my ballet clay figurine done too but its super hmm furry? and ugly haha been keeping some clay in the fridge for abt 3 ys? i wonder if my mum remembered wahah so many germs multiplying! its a wonder we didnt die... so many things i wanna do..oh dear..i need to start my hw! ahh..refer to rach's blog for all the hw..oh dear..oh yes i also need to clean up my rm...super messy..all the half done stuff lying arnd..as my mum says..u want me to trip over and die ah!
my power colour is teal!! to read more abt it..it's right at the bottom of my blog..i think what it says is true...i may wanna deny some things but deep down i know tt tts what im really feeling..but hard to say la maybe other colour's personality r like me too..
going for my art ministry tmr..well its kinda time consuming but i love it! get to work with the super pro artists! and learn a few things too! wah nice man..anyway u ..yes YOU! pls go to church of the holy spirit church at night and see the beautifully lit human sized lanterns of joseph mary and baby jesus! a lot of work was put into tt! but turned out damn nice! go ok! :) and DONT U DARE jus drive past..u must go and stand there and see it up close at night haha
wish life wasnt so ironic...

Forbidden love

2005-11-29T22:07:00.000+08:00

i still remember the day i said i didnt love u anymore
that loving u was such a chore
and u said
"i had better off be dead"

u looked into my eyes
and told me they were lies
prove it to me, u said, i know u'll soon grow soft
and with tt u stormed off

how could i tell u i loved u so
that what u jus did made my heart glow

(to be continued)

change..

2005-11-28T23:38:00.000+08:00

anyone knows where to get nice paper/card at cheap prices?
yay jus got an mp4 player! whoo!! yeap u saw it mp4! plays video!! yay! its not bad..can play video, music, photos..has games too(not fantastic but WAY BETTER than my hp games) can record stuff from the tv..its a cheapo brand, le-mon (sour!) but not bad la..its fairly big compared to the other cheapo ones(which r the height of ur thumb so tiny!!) screen is not bad la(5cm x 4cm)..and it came with free speakers and sennheiser earphones..oh yea and u can put in SD cards up to 2GB whoo! but right now its only 512MB..i guess tts the drawback..and yah and it also creates this "yea" sound everytime u press enter haha sounds a bit mad..but i guess its great for a mad woman haha and it does kinda lift ur spirits cuz it sounds kinda funny...
sigh i should really get down to studying and doing some hw...havent touched anything at all since the start of hols..no motivation..AGAIN...
forbidden fruit tastes sweet...for a while..then i move on to new things..its always like tt..once i get smth, i enjoy and treasure it for a while then i move on..jus look at the way i go abt my art stuff..its always changing..never really mastering a technique..even in other parts if life, once ive got it, i move on..perhaps sometimes if i dont get it i cling on to it tightly and strive to get it but i will still move on in the end
yeap tt could mean the "poem contest" as ron calls it..is coming to an end...im like some child la..no concentration..always finding new things to play with...why m i like tt? i dunno..maybe i shld train myself to finish things..perhaps dig out some half done stuff to finish..
i know how i m like, im trying to change,pehaps change is what i always need, maybe i never will change..

Cherry Garcia ice cream

2005-11-26T22:05:00.000+08:00

cherry garcia oh cherry garcia
oh when can i see ya?

chocolate chunks and sweet cherries that make a team
to create the perfect ice cream
ooo i jus wanna scream!

taste a little like almond jelly
oh jus get in my belly

(to be continued...gotta finish the tub first lol)

cherries

2005-11-24T22:56:00.000+08:00

Cherries
some may think it's a berry
some may think it tastes like sherry
but i jus think it's oh so heavenly!

sweet succulent and juicy
it's just like getting a smoochie (lol)
but beware it can get pretty oozy

a beautiful deep shade of red
the sweetest little thing ever made
perhaps something we should take to bed (lol aphrodisiac)

rosy red and round
now now dont make a sound
go out now and get a pound

lovely sweet cherries

2005-11-23T22:30:00.000+08:00

as i wish upon my lucky star tonight
to find the sweetest guy, the kind i like
may i be able to trust him even though he's not in sight
or else he should go and take a hike

eee my poems r getting yucky...and i cant seem to complete them..gonna see my sec sch friends again tmr! whoo!! and gonna see my friend's crush and can confirm if it's the pw guy whahaha!! wish them all ze best! lol that guy is super duper cute la..not as in looks..but the way he presents himself haha so cute that even a guy can say he's cute..power! lol
ooo i dreamt of ryan(mrs koh's son, NOT the dance teacher) last night! super cute little boy! hmm what does it mean if u keep dreaming of someone? not every night but often enough?

what if

2005-11-22T00:25:00.000+08:00

what would u do if i told u i love you
what if i told u i care?
i wonder what u would do
is this something i should share?

it took me a second to get to know u
it took me ages to get to know u through and through
somehow i know u could never love me true
to break our friendship is something i could never do

this is why im backing away
im gonna force myself not to love u this way
day by day
i will move away just as u say

and wait for the day...that u would say u love me too
and if that day never comes, jus remember i will always love u

Dreams

2005-11-17T18:22:00.000+08:00

i see you often when im dreaming
your toothy smile so white and gleaming
a giggle or two escapes from your lips
and i too cant help but let a smile slip :)

u make me laugh, never a frown upon my face
when im with u, i need not be full of grace
as u walk by my side
i know u'll always protect me and be my guide

alas when i wake up i know it's jus a dream
it's just a wish, a dream that i can only relish...

someone out there

2005-11-16T21:51:00.000+08:00

u came into my life ever so quietly
filled it with such fun and laughter
yet at times made me so sad
so as u walk out of my life tomorrow
one thing for sure
i will forget u...
but that's gonna take more than a lifetime

another poem of mine!

2005-11-14T21:40:00.000+08:00

GUY:

u said u always needed someone there
someone to whom all your troubles u can bare
someone to give u concern and care
who needs u jus as much as he needs air

GIRL:

i always depended so much on u
dont u know what we have is true?
if only she could see it too
then she would know that this is something that she should not do

GUY:

i know she's not the one for me
me and her could never be
why wont u open your eyes and see
that all i love is nothing but thee

GIRL:

if u leave now i will try not to shed a tear
because i know she will love u dear
she will take away all your fears
and love u till the end of her years

GUY:

i cant bare to watch yours tears washed away in the rain
dont u want this love to remain?
i can feel so much of your pain
dont jus let this love go down the drain

GIRL:

before u leave i must say that you're my knight
who protects me from all that is not right
the one who brightens my day and warms my night
and my guiding star that is ever bright

GUY:

since you want me to leave then it's a must
after i caused u so much pain and frust
with all my heart in u i trust
that u want this love to turn from gold to dust

argh

2005-11-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

y do u irritate me so?? its bloody irritating la!! i know u care..but u dont hav to irritate me to get my attention u know..there r other ways to get it..by irritating me, u jus bloody make me more irritated and hate u and make me wanna distance myself from u..ure jus shooting urself in the foot!! argh how stupid is tt!! i know u were treated like tt when young but why cant u see tt its wrong? u dont get more love from doing tt kinda stuff..u jus get attention..but its not a gd kind of attention...man...i hate writing angry posts..
happy thoughts...yeah got an art and craft bk tts super nice..wanna copy the whole thing! class outing tmr! cant wait...
still in a pissy mood...
op tmr..hope everything goes ok...hope i dont laugh at ken being a senior nurse..oops i mean doctor...and before tt being a patient..whahaa what a schizo! and benji vomitting wahah he's sick so it might be real! wow lol
think theres smth wrong with me..the more u come on to me or try to make me like u, the more i try to push u away...this sucks...thats IF i dont like u la..argh i will try to remain nice..

pw grp is jinxed!

2005-11-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

all right..pw grp is jinxed!! really... first rach's accident..then ken's leg got injured while he was quote" walking like any normal person" haha no la he was playing basketball..then me and my lightning at the tree top walk haha my family was the only one there (this explains why) then now benji is sick..i wonder if he is lying..in conclusion..the whole grp is jinxed! we're all gonna die soon ahhhhh!!! nah just kidding haha or if this is ken's voodoo doll trick, u had better stop ah! lol
anyway its been a neutral day.. haha was supposed to meet ken ben for pw this morning..and since neither of them replied my sms or my calls since last night..till abt 12pm? yeah we couldnt do anything since they hav training in the afternoon..so anyway arranged another meeting with ken (ben has NOT been replying any of my sms at all! hmph) and if no one turns up im so gonna cry..or jump...now i know how rachel feels..and if i die ah...BenKen (aka BK) will hav to do my part AND rach's part in 5 mins each..hav fun with tt man..since i didnt meet the twins, i managed to finish my puzzle today whoo!! so it was a gd and bad day and thus it is a neutral haha what crap..oh yeah another thing, im so glad im not in ms mccully's concert..heard how tough it is already for my friend who is super gd at pointe work..so i'll probably jus die if i performed in her concert...
oh and one more thing lol im joining the art ministry in my church whee!! how fun..i can finally stop feeling useless...gonna go fro my first time tmr..hope its not too tough..and i can learn new things
found out some stuff which is quite interesting..being one of the last to find out was quite sucky but at least i know now..
sigh i realise im quite fake sometimes...well not to any of my school friends, from sec or jc..but to some others outside,..some i really cannot stand them..jus feel like strangling them or asking them to jus shut up..yet its not nice to say these things..jus so torn btw telling the truth and treating them nicely..yet these pple keep coming back and asking for more outta me, asking me to see them or talk to them,..if i do, im jus gritting my teeth and doing it argh y cant they go bug other pple? or does no one want them? alrighty time to sign off cuz clarence is hinting me to hurry and go to slp lol

i almost died today!!

2005-11-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

bang! crack.. thats what its like when lightning hits..and right in front of u..jus a few steps away and it could have been me! whoa.. a bright flash and a loud sound of thuder roaring then it hits a tree and it starts to sway..soon many branches fall, u wonder if the swaying tree will fall too.. a burnt smell of wood fills your nostrils...the bright flash still etched in your eyes..
This is y one should NEVER go for tree top walks when its abt to rain or when its raining..super scary la..went for macritchie tree top walk today..really nice view..but pity it was drizzling when i was on the bridge..and then it happened...thank goodness nothing happened...if not i know why..the leaders ( or captain as ken says..) are cursed..and i quote what benji said "it must be your (ken) malaysian curse la..use a voodoo doll to injure pple" smth like tt haha i think im next..dont kill me!!

its times like this when life truly is unfair

2005-11-08T00:12:00.000+08:00

rachel i really hope u get better soon..dont worry abt anything ok :)
i really feel like crying man..though i know u'll be ok its jus so shocking.guess i didnt think such a thing could happen to anyone near me...the last time anything like this happened was when i was so young.,didnt even know what was going on..so scared..life is unfair..u take care ok

what u said was right..so many things u said r true...yet i know it'll never be happen..

fairy lights

2005-11-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

stop right there! i wanna take a picture of u so that this moment can last forever..

i feel like im fairy
granting ur every wish
giving u so much love and care
being able to give u soft kisses on ur cheek

yet never being able to receive love
u never knowing that im there
so may i always be by ur side
till the day i slowly fade off and cease to exist

poems dont mean a thing or do they?

2005-11-01T23:21:00.000+08:00

wow haha didnt think pple read my blog and didnt think the poems i wrote could cause such a scandal tt i like someone...lol didnt really write the poem for anyone..the love poem which i didnt place here was written from a guy's point of view..haha (im not lesbian) guess u could say tt i would like my dream guy to think tt abt me but... haha its not written abt any guy...
the one abt 99 steps, not for anyone also..jus thought of it.. mm the one abt rejection ah..haha well i did think of someone but it was mostly meaningless rubbish haha and tt someone was rejecting some pple i saw...so its not me...haha
anyway had loads of fun and laughter today when pw grp came to my house...as usual rach was early, ben on time (not bad!!) and ken haha as usual late..like me lol think we played more than did our work,..got to find out a few things..how they see everything tts going on around them..interesting.. :) met wuyuan's grp for lunch..(eunice and leo) ahh well lets jus say hope we can include everyone next time..not many will understand this but i'll try my best to help u guys k :)

irony?

2005-10-29T01:20:00.000+08:00

its strange isnt it, how one can be close to someone for a minute and not know the person at all the next...or how someone can like another and tt person longs for someone else... or even how we r close to pple but dont really know who there r...and also how different we really r inside compared to what we show..
how can one be so happy one moment and feel like bursting into tears the next..why is it tt sometimes when ure surrounded by a big grp of pple u feel so lonely and yet with a small grp u feel its crowded? and even like how the only one who can make u stop crying is the one who made u cry?
and why do the pple who keep wanting u to call so irritating and clingy, and the ones who dont, the ones u miss the most and want to call? why is life so unfair? y do pple get and have everything and u dont? argh y m i so bitchy to some pple and r so nice to others?
u think i care abt what u r talking abt? i used to...but after so much time wasted jus listening to u go on and on abt ur life and me saying nothing but "yah".. how interesting is tt? i dont mind if u r talkative but its too much..all u ask for is someone to say "yah" wont a tape recorder do the same? u dont need me at all..all u want is a punching bag, an out, a way to escape and make urself feel better by insulting others..hope u will realise u are actually doing..this refers to only on person..and if u read this u may not even know its meant for u..man im so bloody bitchy

life ..no meaning?

2005-10-28T01:24:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder what im supposed to do in life...its a routine that im jus following mechanically... do this do that ...but in the end what is it for?
hmm actually life has meaning...its jus the things tt we r forced into doing tt makes it jus meaningless...

all this time while ure with me
ive been in the dark
didnt think for the life of me
u wld do me wrong
we had it all but u chose not to know
ure always near my heart
now we know im not who u want
i shld let u go

i love u with ur disguise
u've proven that love is blind
there r no answers i find
to stop the tears from my eyes
now everything looks black and white
u've taken away clear the blue skies dont know if its time to go(it is...)
i know my heart will always be there for u
sung by sylvester...great lyrics and tune

yep love is blind...what is love anyway?...its jus a state of mind...

2005-10-26T22:10:00.000+08:00

Rejection

raindrops stop falling from the sky
im too afraid to come out from my shell
too afraid u might make me cry
better to stay here than face the world in which u dwell

looking at u from afar, watching ur every move
i know i can never reach u, never touch ur heart
u said love is what u wanted me to prove
or else it's better that we are apart

so now i retreat to my world and u remain in urs
never again will i want this experience this feeling of rejection...
never again will i love
<>

wah this is getting from bad to worse..maybe i shld stop haha got a really nice (to me) love poem but dont wanna put it here in case pple copy haha

2005-10-25T00:32:00.000+08:00

<>All u ask for is a step towards u, while u take the 99 steps toward me
what makes u think i could do it, what if i dont want to, would u give up on me?
U think that the 99 steps were taken by u, but what u dont realise was that those steps were taken by me
Hard, long and painful...Now u know i'll never give up on u..

accepting...

2005-10-24T23:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes think i fall for things too easily...too gullible..too accepting...

just give me a moment in time,
to step back from everything in this world,
to look at what is happening around us,
to realise what i saw was all a lie...

then i'll walk back to you,
knowing but all is the truth
But life goes on as it always has
but deep down inside it will never be the same again...

2005-10-22T03:07:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder what am i supposed to do in this world...i go thru it as if i dont exist...as some pple think..and tts cuz i dont talk much...guess sometimes i dont find the need to...sometimes when i talk, im jus forcing some words to pop out...meaningless... silence is golden..and u dont always need to talk to be understood or hav ur presence felt.. or even to keep ur friends..and its not like i dont talk when talked to...sigh forget it..

theres too many things i wanna take part in! help!!!
ballet concert! i was offered 2 items argh
need to go malaysia to visit relatives
join art ministry
join rhythmic gym
join legion of mary
join expedition(cant)
take s paper
be a facil (cant cuz gotta go gran;s house in dec)
hope the Lord will help me
came up with this when asked what is sweet.. lol came up with it while typing continuously...not bad ah lol
sweet is what makes u go aww..it is what makes sweets sweet..it makes love seem endless and it is what u r to me

retreat..

2005-10-17T00:38:00.000+08:00

lets jus say it wasnt as fun as the ones in IJ...partly cuz the pple in my grp kept joining their own cliques in another grp and the pple left were few..so only when it was time for sharing then they;ll be forced to come back..yea..sucks! and throughout the camp i jus kept thinking abt the 1t19 pple..and i realised that cjc would not be as fun without them..cuz with them, i can be as mad as i want, crap a lot, and jus hav fun! but with pple from my grp it was kinda restricted, or they dont always understand the joke..yea and my thoughts jus kept travelling back to how fun it would be if t19 pple were here to crap around..really missed u guys man. although it was only a few days, it seemed like a week to me. haha kept thinking of wy's "what shit"...and clarence's :"shibai shibai" and eug poking me in the ribs..mel's "ok and morning :p" ..haha ohh and ken's "mad woman, u dont talk rubbish la!" haha t19 pple, u make my world :p
i guess i could hav been more enthu abt the jumping and stuff during the praise and worship sessions but jus didnt feel right..no mood kinda thing..oh wells..
there were interesting things tt happened too haha. firstly, i had to go find the guys in their rooms cuz they were supposed to write some nice stuff for the facils..so i was walking along the corridor..and the guy in front(think i shldnt mention who but if u wanna know can ask me haha) jus took off his shirt! :0 lol no wonder it felt wrong to walk along the guy;s corridor..lol think the guy was a bit embarassed haha but damn funny!! :D so after tt asked aaron to help me find pple..haha but actually,in truth i wasnt tt shocked la haha guess ive seen too much of guys jus taking off their shirt (and pants) in front of me..brothers la what u expect haha anyway kept apologising to him haha and he was really nice abt it lol
second...angel and i were getting the guys to sign the pieces of cloth...and the canoeists were making fun of angel's ht haha damn funny! and one was making fun of the left footed guy, quite bad but its super funny, then a teacher started to come..and lucky aaron came to tell us..(thank u aaron! haha ure so useful haha) so we rushed up the stairs! phew got away haha
oh yea and my room pple r fun too haha so many crowd in one room super cool :P the more the merrier right? im sorry if i didnt get all ur names, i still remember u bluffed me abt ur names! haha maybe tts y i cant remember lol
k i shld slp..byeee

If not for the last minute, nothing will get done

2005-10-03T18:45:00.000+08:00

yeap thats my motto...not that i wanna live up to it but it's jus me la..and that sucks la..always studying last minute even though i know i wont have enough time..then i'll burn midnight oil and study like crazy. what i usually study in 10 hours, will only take 3 hours..and meanwhile i'll hav mini heart attacks when i find some things i dont understand...even now, im not stuyding..ive not touched physics at all la..whats wrong with me..i suppose this also explains why im always late for school...cuz if i can wake up at 6.40 and reach by 7.40, why not right? so if im slightly behind time( i usually am) will go to sch late... oh well..i shall try to change this bad habit of mine..

2005-09-24T02:10:00.000+08:00

oh oh im gonna fail gp...hmm ailcia, hope u r ok..i felt like doing the same thing as u..dont worry k..dont be stressed..u may not even read this oh well..jus wanna thank aaron yeo for making me feel better.. thanks! :) quite unexpected haha theres others who made me better too thanks so much!

anyone wanna join me and fail promos?

2005-09-13T00:36:00.000+08:00

k i really am gonna fail...i know my limits..well last min studying has always worked till this yr..hmm gonna fail... lala feeling really strange recently..extreme feelings, sometimes extremely happy esp when im not studying haha and sometimes jus so depressed.. thinking what else there is besides studying? like becoming a nun? hmm....i wonder who reads this anyway...haha i hardly blog nowadays..no point also la..but will blog when theres no one to talk to...oh ya ive been getting some rashes thingy for the past 2 wks..sucks!! im trying my best not to scratch arghhh itchy!! hope its not dengue... oh ya my friend was saying can tell if im an introvert or extrovert from my blog...so cool haha lala,,,k time to go bye bye bloggie! wahaha i deleted some stuff from this haha too much for everyone in the world to know..wonder if anyone read it..

happy birthday to me! :)

2005-09-06T23:52:00.000+08:00

haha my birthday today!! yay. jus wanna thank everyone who wished me happy birthday!! really touched! even pple who i havent seen for a long time wished me.wow :D thank u!! oh and pple who gave me presents thanks so much!! u didnt hav to... :P aww.. feeling ultra happy today! got so many presents.wahh first time i got so many..but i feel kinda bad also cuz i keep forgetting pple's birthdays and yet they still wished me or got me smth...well thank u so much! love u guys!! *hugx* ooo i got my first ever ice cream cake yummy!! it had 3 princesses on it...so pretty! sleeping beauty, cinderella and beauty...wahahah im so childish but i dont care..i havent started studying!! im so dead!! oh well...no mood to study... k la i shld go..goodnight bloggie! think this is the best birthday ever!! whoo..spent my time jus slacking, sleeping, doing a jigsaw puzzle ron gave me haha i finished it! yay! admiring clarence;s present...so nice! trying out my aunt's blouse she made, watching tv, eating ice cream cake yum..haha kk i better go night night

klutz~!!

2005-08-11T21:52:00.000+08:00

im such a clumsy person la that its so funny! haha...on saturday had class outing..and guess what! while talking to someone i managed to kick down those yellow signs saying " wet floor". It fell with a bang and i got a shock..but was kinda funny :P so clumsy la..then today, i was running with simone from the toilet to maths lect, my shoelaces got untied somehow,and while walking down the steps i tripped! and no i didnt fall splat on my face..i actually landed on my butt, with my legs nicely crossed!..stunned! haha sat there for abt a second dumbstruck lol so funny!! wahah and a lot of my class pple saw...must be pretty funny to see me sit there on the steps. wonder if other classes saw haha wonder how i can be a dancer..so clumsy!!!

i love u comp!!

2005-07-24T17:53:00.000+08:00

haha yay my comp is back to normal which is strange cuz nothing was done to it..yay! its ok! wah was super depressed that smth happened to it! woot its ok!! feel like crying!! jus saw bring it on yesterday...reminds me of the days in ij when i was in cheerleading..still got that outfit in my cupboard rotting..haha was kinda forced to join it la but its fun when u perform :p oh but its sucks when pple climb on ur back or leg..heavy man.. (of course im a base la) seem to be putting on wt recently..need to run!! oh yea i missed the finals for gynastics..wah im super sad la!! argh..ij won a lot of things for the first time la!! alot k!! first for grp and overall champ for c div!! wah!! damn good la..kicked rgs butt man!! woot!! rgs better watch out..kk better not say too much..
k i dunno y im so free this wk end when everyone seems so busy..been doing some art and craft woot! trying to finish the miniature grocery store haha..so fun!!
kk i gtg

2005-07-14T12:28:00.000+08:00

k i really shouldnt be typing for my blog now..jus need a form of escape or smth...realised theres a lot i dont understand abt all subjs..especially econs! sigh..i really hate the lecture system la, it sucks lor..been getting back my results real slowly..not that i mind..dont want any of it la..my results are terrible la i really need to start studying and stuff..havent been feeling all that happy recently partly cuz of my marks, well not really..jus what my mum would think when i show them to her...its a real let down la..really dont like making her disappointed, i dont really care what i get but its what she would feel when she sees it..
whatever it is..its not jus the results..its everything that ive been realising recently jus really painful la, or maybe its really pmsing but a really different kind of pmsing..doesnt feel like it is i dunno...theres a lot of things i keep bottled up inside...someone once told me i shldnt keep it all inside that i shld open up and let loose..i dunno.. not my style...why be so sad or angry all the time? i guess i jus keep it to myself and hope that i will forget it and i really do..a lot of sad and hurtful things in the past i make myself forget and it really does go away after a while..aiya feel like a failure now..even how im complaining to a blog is pathetic la...i guess anyone who reads this now will get a shock at what im writing..dont worry yea i'll be fine..soon... i really admire clarence and how he can always be so happy and jovial, and always sooo helpful to pple..wah he was talking to me and helping me and he missed his show.. ahhh,..yep he really goes all out to help pple and its really nice of him..he may not even realised that he helped and thats what jus so wonderful abt him..
i wonder if its freaky to some of u who read this..cuz it doesnt really sound like me in real life right? kind of like a split personality thing.. hmm wonder if its psychological..
oh yea i realise i keep drawing a lot! during lectures..esp econs..its getting a lot worse..esp today..this is not good..and now wuyuan is starting to draw also!! oh no...
whatever la i feel so crap abt everything..oh yea and im getting fatter recently..gained abt 2kg..growing fatter..getting closer to the 60kg mark..if i keep putting on la..oh oh do i hav an eating problem as well? well..datelines coming for gp and pw..die, more stress...wonder if stress is causing this...if it is, its really diff from what i usually get..i dont go all bonkers and self blaming like tt,..aiya time to sleep. night..

confused..

2005-07-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

jus wanna thank everyone who has helped me get over this difficult time im having,..really.. thank you :) u may not think u did anything but u did :P thanks..

pmsing...

2005-07-09T01:12:00.000+08:00

wah think im pmsing again..this sucks..my good friend said i shldnt let out everything here..thats so true la..so i shall go bug him more abt my problems ok :p ahh well..got back my results for ballet today..got a distinction..yay!! 85/100 but was last in class la..wah a bit sad la but i know my standard..oh well..wasnt last last year but the not so good ones all dropped ballet. well the scores range from me..to 95..not bad la..
was kinda pissed today..guessing its cuz of pms but i dunno...ever since coming to jc ive been feeling so much more frustration and sadness...ij was a lot more happy and fun, with no worries in the world..maybe im experiening more of the real world? i duno. wah i know this sounds kinda bad..today was the first time i ever had to force a laugh..or rather laughs..feeling so pissed today la.. during phy and maths..the jokes made were funny..really..on any other day i would hav laughed till i had tears but was really bad today la..saw and heard pple laughing and then i thought to myself..janice why arent u laughing? then thats when i forced myself to laugh..usually it;ll come naturally la..but sigh..
sometimes i think i pity myself too much..always feeling sorry over myself..i hate that la..and theres so many more pple out there who r feeling even worst..whose lives r filled with so much more sadness and complication..all im feeling is jus minimal..(tends to 0) exam results r coming..guess i dont really care much..there will always be something that will suit u next time..its not the end of the world.
sometimes pple think that where they stand is great..i guess they hav a right to be ,high up where they r but jus wish that they would be a bit more humble la..stop boasting that ur view from where u are is great..jus sink to a lower level and u'll realise how much higher u can go..dont try to put pple in their place, put urs in the right place first..sometimes i rather jus stay at a low level where its so stable and, where u can see how the higher pple r so vulnerable and susecptable(dunno how to spell) to wind climate changes..dont think any will understand this paragraph but if u do, theyll be so great.well..i shld stop feeling sorry for myself and jus go sleep..goodnight and thanks to my 4yr net friend haha for letting me realise my world is wonderful.. :)

thoughts...

2005-07-03T23:54:00.000+08:00

hmm someone commented that im a good listener today...thats great isnt it? oh wells i dunno man..it has its pros and cons.. cuz pple will always go to u when they need help or a listening ear and its nice to be able to help someone out..but lets say u hav a problem..then who do u go to? other pple? yourself? then one day wouldnt ur head explode cuz of so many probs ure trying to solve including ur own? realised im using my blog as a listener haha quite freaky cuz a lot of pple r gonna read what u type...hmm and lets say pple go to u with problems, do they come to u for fun too? cuz it really sucks if they dont..sometimes back in ij was so much more simpler, didnt need to worry or even think of such things..guess my carefree days r over..
well found out that pj and jj are even better than cj..(a level results this yr) dunno if its true or not..sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice to stay..im loving it and all that..the pple, the atmosphere..but i sometimes feel that other sch's papers r harder and that if i'd gone there i could hav done better cuz hard papers will push pple to do more..and then there;s the qn whether i'll make it in...that aside, i still feel maybe cj shld make their papers harder..not the whole thing but jus hav one or two qns that will stun u and after the results can show us how to do it, think that will make cjc better..always hear there'll be 1 or 2 qns in exams that will separate the cream of the crop..so shldnt we be training ourselves for stuff like that? unless all qns r really abt the same standard as what we hav now then cjc is doing a fantastic job..also hav been hearing stuff that cj notes arent good cuz theyre very much simplified..i guess in a way its true but i duno..shldnt think abt all this toomuch..cjc is still grat to me and so r the people there..and its pretty near my house too which is good but somehow , the nearer u stay the later u are right? haha